Why do men become distant when they fall in love? A simple article that can help you understand your boyfriend’s reasons.
At some point in your life, you’ve probably dated a guy who goes from hot to cold in a matter of seconds. When he’s enthusiastic, he’s passionate. When he’s not, he sounds like a different person. The shift can be so subtle that you might not notice it right away, but sooner or later, you’ll catch up.
Are you plagued by doubts about the future of your new romance? Do you want to know what causes men to withdraw? And why do men become distant when they fall in love? How do you even deal with this situation? Here are a few common reasons behind men’s withdrawal.
Why do men become distant when they fall in Love?
Your boyfriend may become distant when he feels he’s falling in love because he will sub-consciously want to remind himself that he can still do things on his own. This is normal behaviour from a guy, and can be seen as their ‘cycle’. Men are taught that they need to be independent, and not rely on a girlfriend. When a guy starts to feel he’s losing his independence, he will pull away.
Other reasons why your boyfriend might become distant include;
1. He’s afraid of long-term commitment
Apart from you, your boyfriend has friends, family, a job, and hobbies. These are things he is devoted to which is why he requires a lot of room and time to enjoy them. He doesn’t want to be tethered to you for the rest of his life and lose his other passions.
He doesn’t want to give up his favorite pastime or friendships because of a new relationship. This idea may appeal to you but not to him. To maintain a good relationship, do not interfere with your boyfriend’s independence, especially if he insists on not having enough time for himself and his pursuits.
This reason is often tied to the fear of/unwillingness to commit to a long-term relationship. Then your boyfriend’s natural reaction will be to create more breathing room for himself. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t love in: in fact, oftentimes it’s exactly the opposite because otherwise, he would not feel the pressure to take responsibility for you too.
2. His self-esteem is shaky
“What is the hardest?” “To act.”
“Something you don’t buy?” “Providence.”
“If there was one thing you lacked,
What would it be?” “Self-confidence.”
A man who lacks self-confidence is more likely to keep a distance from you when he likes you. Fear of being rejected keeps him from speaking out about his feelings, or doing something with them. If he has been rejected, cheated on, or has never had a successful romantic relationship with a woman, he will have low self-confidence.
In an attempt to prevent the anguish of unrequited love, a guy with low self-confidence would strive to remove himself from you if he believes he loves you. In order to avoid getting wounded, he may be erecting a barrier of emotional distance between you two.
You’ll probably know whether he lacks self-confidence by how he behaves in other areas of his life, or by the way he talks. He may be self-critical, comparing himself to others, or having anxiety issues.
3. He has had a bad relationship in the past
It’s possible he’s avoiding you because he was previously cheated on. Fear of going through the same traumatic experience might be the reason why he is keeping a distance.
In this case, the only viable option to help him is to gain his trust and take better care of him without trying to compel him to become closer. If you’d like to prevent him from becoming distant, simply allow him some time while you make positive changes. This can help him understand that women are different and that you are a lot better than the one who wronged him in the past, and as you gain his trust he’ll stop protecting himself and open up to you.
4. You may not be his top priority
Here is the sad part, and this can be true in your case. A boyfriend will either make you their top priority or merely one of many competing ones in his life. He may not be able to totally commit if he has other girls on his mind and you can’t boast being among the most desirable of them.
If you observe this, the best thing to do is to let him go. Is that what you’re looking for? It all depends on what kind of connection you want. But if he seems to distance himself from you in favor of other women, you have to get real and admit that he doesn’t care for you as much as you want (and probably deserve, unless this list of reasons why boyfriends hate girlfriends has your name written all over it).
5. His family doesn’t like you
The power of family affairs cannot be overstated. Even if your boyfriend adores you, his parents and siblings will usually come first; at least they’re likely to demand being a priority over you. And if they see him vacillate, these folks might do everything to keep him away from you if they don’t like you.
In this case, you might need to prepare for when he vanishes for good. It’s tempting to make him hate his family, but resist the urge, otherwise, you’re putting a huge responsibility on yourself, and when things go wrong (and they will) you’ll be the one to blame.
Remember, it’s up to your boyfriend to decide what’s best for him. If he genuinely cares for you, he will return, even if his family puts unreasonable pressure on him.
6. He thinks you’re in a relationship
A man may withdraw himself from an attractive woman he likes believing that she’s already in a relationship, or is dating someone else. Does your social life revolve mostly around males, or do you have a close male buddy with whom you spend a lot of time? If that’s the case, he could presume you’re dating him.
If he believes you’re still working things out with your ex-boyfriend, he may be reluctant to step in or ask where things really stand. Even if it’s annoying, it’s a sign that he’s not the kind of guy who would try to end a relationship or chase someone who’s already seeing someone else, which is a positive sign.
Although, naturally, it also means he is not confident enough to take the situation into his own hands even when it matters to him a lot.
What should I do when my boyfriend becomes distant?
When your boyfriend becomes distant, don’t take it personally. If your relationship has been going great, women will automatically assume that their boyfriend is rejecting them. Yes, your feelings might be hurt, but try and stop yourself from thinking something is wrong with you.
Once you get into this mindset, majority of the time, a woman will push forward to her boyfriend, when he pulls back. This will result in him feeling even more smothered, and distance himself further away from you.
The best thing you can do when your boyfriend pulls away from you, is to give him his space. Yes, we said it, do nothing!
Instead of trying to get your relationship back to where it was before he distanced himself, use this time to meet up with your girlfriends, focus on the things you enjoy the most.
If you are trying to understand why men become distant when they fall in love this is most likely because you are thinking of ways to make your boyfriend modify his behavior. Honestly, this can be quite an unpleasant endeavour. If you start to doubt whether he really cares for you, it’s time to let him go and find someone else. When it comes to expressing their intentions, males tend to be quite open and honest. So, if your boyfriend doesn’t, you should reevaluate your relationship and get clarity around where the things stand between you two.
Now that you know the general and most common reasons why guys distance themselves from women, you have the option of responding or not responding at all. Regardless of what you do, remember that convincing a guy to fall in love with you is a futile endeavour. If you put too much effort into pleasing him, you will just cause yourself trouble.
Make up your own mind because he is an adult and doesn’t need you to be his wet nurse. Don’t smother him with questions, texts, or phone calls. After giving him time, you will know whether he is distant because he loves you but is afraid, or because you never mattered to him at all.
- What Makes a Man Adore a Woman? 9 Key Traits
- What Makes a Man Fall in Love?
- Why Does He Keep Me Around if He Does not Want a Relationship