Are you wondering how to tell your girlfriend you cheated on her?
If you’re concerned about how she’s going to react, you’ll create more damage if you don’t tell her, and she finds out from someone else.
Before you have a conversation with your girlfriend, you first need to understand what drove you to cheat.
In this article, we will explain how you should tell your girlfriend you cheated on her. We will also touch base on if this is something you should confess, and what you should do after you’ve spoken to her.
Should I tell my girlfriend I cheated on her?
We recommend that you tell your girlfriend you cheated on her. Although you may regret what you did, and you don’t want to lose her, the fact that you cheated on her is a clear sign that something may be amiss in your relationship that needs to be addressed with your girlfriend.
If you don’t tell your girlfriend you cheated on her, you will carry on in your partnership with a guilty conscience. Even if you’re not aware of this, it will subconsciously affect the progression of your relationship.
If you don’t tell your girlfriend you cheated on her, and she finds out from someone else, her reaction, and the repercussions will be worse than if she heard it straight from you.
Don’t hide it from her either, more often than not, the truth will always come out at a later stage. This will only cause more damage and prevent any possibility of rekindling the relationship in the future.
Before you tell your girlfriend you cheated on her, you need to understand why you did this. Has your girlfriend been distant with you which has drawn you away to seek validation elsewhere?
You should also make sure you know what the result is that you want from telling her. Do you acknowledge your relationship has been on the rocks, and you want to work on it? Or, do you want to tell your girlfriend because you no longer want to pursue a romantic connection?
How to tell my girlfriend I cheated on her
Ensure you and your partner are in a private setting before you tell her you cheated on her. Stay away from a public setting, or where you’re around people you know. This will only prevent your girlfriend from being able to express her emotions and cause her reaction to be worse.
Before you tell initiate this conversation, make sure you understand why you committed infidelity, and what you want the result to be between the two of you after you’ve been honest with her. This will allow you to acknowledge what may have gone astray in your relationship.
Here are a few tips on how to tell your girlfriend you cheated on her;
1. Stay calm
Stay away from becoming defensive. You need to pre-empt that your girlfriend is going to be angry and upset. You were in the wrong, and you need to accept the consequences.
If you’re calm, this will help her to stay calm too, and allow yourselves to have a proper conversation.
2. Don’t make excuses
One of the worst things you can do is make excuses for what you did.
You cheated because there is an issue with yourself that you need to address. Do you need constant validation? If so, this could be why you would feel like your girlfriend does not pay you enough attention.
3. Don’t leave anything for misinterpretation
Although it may be uncomfortable, don’t tell your girlfriend in vague language that you cheated on her. Instead of saying ‘I hooked up with this girl’, you should say ‘I slept with this girl when….’
This will stop any misinterpretation on her side. Be prepared to go into detail if this is what she asks for.
4. Let her know how you feel
If you don’t want to lose her, let her know you’ve acknowledged your mistake, and you’re prepared to put in the work to move forward in the relationship.
However, if you’ve given it thought and you feel like you need space away from her, you need to let her know so she understands where she stands with you.
What to do after you’ve told your girlfriend you’ve cheated on her?
First and foremost, you need to give your girlfriend space. If she wants time away from you to process what you’ve told her, do not probe her for an answer. She will want to deal with her emotions and understand on her own whether or not she still wants to be with you.
It may be some time before you hear anything from her. You need to respect her space and let her know that you are there for her when she’s ready to talk.
Other things to keep in mind after you’ve just told your girlfriend you’ve cheated on her include;
1. Don’t expect forgiveness
You cannot expect that she will forgive you. Be prepared for your relationship to end after your infidelity.
Depending on the type of person your girlfriend is, she may be unable to look past what you’ve done, and want to cut all ties from you.
Give her the time she needs to deal with how she feels towards you.
2. Refrain from over apologising
If you keep apologising to her, all it will be is a constant reminder of what you’ve done. Apologise when you’ve told her, and let her know how sorry you are.
After the conversation ends, do not beg her for forgiveness. This will only hinder her response time, and push her further away from you.
Don’t send her flowers, or keep texting her.
3. Do actionable change
If your girlfriend has decided she wants to work on the relationship with you, the trust she has for you will not be the same as before.
You will need to show her by your actions that you have changed, and prove to her that you won’t make the same mistake again.
Keep in mind, this can be a long time. If you really don’t want to lose your girlfriend, you will need to put in the work.
However, if she has told you that she no longer wants to be with you, you need to respect her decision and take time for yourself to work on the reasons behind why you cheated in the first place.
Why did I cheat on my girlfriend that I love?
There are many reasons behind why you would cheat on your girlfriend that you love. You need to first come to terms that you cheating has nothing to do with your girlfriend, but more to do with yourself. There may be something in your relationship that you’re not satisfied with.
Do you need constant attention from women? Does your girlfriend not provide you with enough validation, that you had to go and seek it elsewhere?
You will need to be honest with yourself, and take a look at your relationship. You may love your girlfriend, but no longer be in love with her.
Are you lonely in your relationship, or is there a rift between the two of you that has drawn you towards someone else?
You could have commitment issues, and you’ve acted out by cheating on your girlfriend.
Once you understand what drove you to cheat, you can work on yourself so as not to make the same mistake again.
Now that you know how to tell your girlfriend you cheated on her, we hope you’ve taken responsibility for your actions, and accept the consequences, whatever they may be.
If you’re doubting whether or not you want to tell your girlfriend, put yourself in her shoes. Would you want to know if she cheated on you?
Your relationship won’t be able to progress the way in which it would do if you’re dishonest with her. Your guilty conscious will subconsciously have a negative impact.
Respect your girlfriend’s space, and come to terms with the result that she may not forgive you.