Are you wondering how to tell your girlfriend you need space because you feel like you no longer have time to do the things you enjoy the most?
Wanting space is not necessarily a bad thing, and is needed for a stable relationship. It allows each person to grow as individuals, and focus on their own goals and hobbies.
Do you feel pressure to always let your girlfriend know where you are and what you’re doing? This could be a sign that you and your girlfriend need time apart.
In this article, we will explain how you can tell your girlfriend you want space, to ensure she understands where you’re coming from. We will also touch base on the signs within a relationship that will point out time alone may be necessary, so you can work on having a healthy partnership while still having time for yourself.
How to tell my girlfriend I need space
If you want to tell your girlfriend you need space, you should do so in an honest and open conversation. Do not suddenly distance yourself from her as this can cause further issues in the relationship, and make her feel insecure. It’s important to be upfront with your significant other, and explain to her why you want space.
It’s perfectly normal to want to spend time on your own. Whether you’re completely alone, seeing your friends or doing your own thing, it’s healthy for the progress of a relationship.
If you’re feeling like you need to tell your girlfriend you need space, something has probably gone astray that you need to address.
Is she needy, and insecure when she’s not with you or does not hear from you? A codependent partner will rely on you for most things. However, this cannot be sustained and can start to make you feel like you want to distance yourself from them.
A controlling girlfriend (or boyfriend) can prevent you from having your own time away.
This has the potential to create a feeling of resentment towards them and put a strain on your relationship.
Before you initiate a conversation with your girlfriend, you need to ensure that you are direct and honest in why you want space, whilst not coming across as accusatory;
1. Explain the reason behind why you want space
Once you tell your girlfriend you want space, she will probably almost instantly assume it’s because she’s done something wrong.
Whatever the reason may be, you need to be direct in your explanation while still showing compassion. If you feel like you’re being suffocated in the relationship, explain to her that time apart is important for both of you.
- ‘I feel like I haven’t spent enough time with my friends. I need to make sure I see them at least once a week’
- ‘I’ve always enjoyed my alone time, and lately, I feel as though I haven’t had any time for myself’
2. Be kind
Refrain from speaking to your girlfriend with an accusatory tone. This may cause her to become defensive, and create an argument between the two of you.
This will help her understand where you’re coming from. If you want to tell your girlfriend you want space just because you want time apart, you can reassure her that you still enjoy spending time with her.
- ‘I love spending time with you, but sometimes after work, I just want to go home and destress’
- ‘You’re extremely important to me, and I love seeing you, but I need to spend more time doing my own thing’
3. Don’t distance yourself without an explanation
One of the worst things you can do is distance yourself from your girlfriend without explaining to her what is bothering you.
More often than not, this will cause her to feel insecure, and make her think you have doubts about the relationship.
Communication is vital when you want to have space from your girlfriend. Space is not always a negative thing, however, it needs to be spoken about.
4. Bring up the benefits of having time apart
Time apart from your significant allows you to be able to focus on your own life. It allows each person to grow on their own, and become a better version of themselves.
Individual identity is extremely important, especially in a relationship. You need to have your own time to work on your hobbies and goals.
When you have a conversation with your girlfriend, let her know how space can help improve the relationship.
5. Allow her to ask any questions
Allow your girlfriend to ask any questions she may have. This will prevent any miscommunication between the two of you. Once the conversation is over, you don’t want her to feel uncertain about your actions.
How do you know if you need space in a relationship?
If you and your girlfriend are continuously fighting, this is a sure sign that you both need space from each other. For a relationship to stay healthy, individual needs will need to be met. One of these needs is to be alone. A couple that is always in each other’s company will end up arguing over the smallest of things.
Other signs that will confirm you need space in your relationship include;
1. You feel like you need to tell your partner everything
Do you feel like you need to let your girlfriend know everything you do, even when you’re not with her? Does your girlfriend want to check your phone?
This could be a sign that you’re in a codependent relationship. If your girlfriend depends on you for almost everything, this may be a sign that you need to request space in the relationship.
For more information on a codependent relationship, you can check out this guide.
2. You’re continuously stressed
You should feel relaxed when you’re around your partner. If not, spending all your time with your girlfriend may start to create friction between the two of you.
For you to understand why you are stressed, you need to be alone. This will help you determine if it’s an external factor, or if it’s your girlfriend.
3. You don’t feel like yourself
One of the most significant signs that you need space in your relationship is when you don’t feel like yourself.
In solitude, you’re able to recharge and understand yourself better. When you’re continuously around your girlfriend, we can sometimes lose sight of who we are.
Is needing space the end of a relationship?
If you need space, it does not mean the relationship is over. It does, however, highlight that there may be an issue that you need to address with your girlfriend. If you’re worried that you wanting space in your relationship is a hint that it may have reached the end, we have pointed out a few signs that will either confirm or deny this;
If you would rather be alone than spend time with your girlfriend, you may want to take some time for yourself to think about if you’re truly happy in your relationship.
When you’re thinking about telling your girlfriend you want space, are you taking into consideration how she may feel about it? A unilateral decision from your side, with only thoughts about what you want, could indicate that your relationship will need to be looked at as a whole.
Has the communication within your relationship deteriorated? If you simply do not want to talk to your partner like you used to, this could be a sign that you don’t just need space.
Keep in mind, that once you start to emotionally detach from your girlfriend, your behaviour will start to follow. During this time, you may start to notice that you enjoy being on your own more so than with her.
If you purposefully exclude your girlfriend from events or decide not to take her as a plus one, you should re-evaluate where you see your relationship going.
How long should you take space in a relationship?
If you want space in your relationship to have more time to focus on your hobbies and goals, there can’t be a certain time frame for this. Space away from each other should be consistent, where both partners in the relationship can have time to work on themselves and enjoy their individuality.
If, however, you’re seeking space away from your girlfriend to focus on any doubt you may have in the relationship, a couple of days should be more than enough.
Once you start to request a couple of weeks, to months, you’re steering towards going on a ‘break’ from your relationship.
If a break from your relationship is what you want, be honest during this time. Notice whether or not you miss your partner, and if you’re happier away from them.
You should refrain from seeing other people during a ‘break’. During this phase, you need to distinguish whether or not your current relationship is what you want.
Now that you know how to tell your girlfriend you need space, we hope you’re able to have more time for yourself and focus on your own goals and hobbies. This is just as important as spending quality with your partner.
Did you know, time away will help strengthen the bond within your relationship, and allow each person to appreciate the other more?
If, however, you feel like you’re happiest when you’re not with your girlfriend, you may want to take some time to re-evaluate your relationship. Remember, it’s always best to stay open and honest, and communicate your feelings.