If your boyfriend and you keep fighting, this could signify that there are unresolved issues that you need to discuss with your partner. Before you think your relationship is on the rocks, conflict can positively affect couples if it’s dealt with correctly.
An argument can improve communication and help bring partners closer together through consideration and effort to better understand each other’s feelings. However, if you and your partner fight almost every day, or don’t end up with constructive progress, this could be a Red flag.
In this article, we’ll delve deeper into why you and your boyfriend keep fighting. We’ll expand on whether fighting is normal in a relationship, and how you can break the cycle of continuous arguments.
Why do my boyfriend and I keep fighting?
If you and your boyfriend keep fighting, this could be a primary indicator that there are differences between your core values and his. A couple who’s morals don’t align can experience incessant arguing.
Research done my Dr. John Gottman confirms this with his findings. He detected that 69% of conflict between a couple can be constant. This is not to say a relationship can’t work out if two individuals have different fundamental beliefs. A couple may just have to put extra effort in to better understand their partner.
A further reason you and your boyfriend keep fighting is if you have a toxic communication pattern. This could be if you fight over trivial things that don’t warrant an argument.
(Did you know; it has been estimated that individuals will fall in love around seven times before they get married.)
Once either you or your boyfriend constantly picks a fight for no justifiable reason, this could be a warning sign that an individual in the relationship may no longer feel the same as he or she did in the beginning.
A couple who fight constantly could be going through attachment stress. When this occurs, the emotional bond between two partners will be worn, and cause feelings of frustration, irritation and disconnect from miniscule issues.
This can be brought on if you or your boyfriend don’t feel appreciated, cared for or heard.
Is it normal for couples to fight constantly?
It’s common for couples to fight in a relationship. The people who are closest to us are the ones that will trigger our emotions the most. However, if you and your boyfriend fight almost every day, this could signal that there may be underlying issues that you need to address in your relationship.
Arguing can be good for a relationship. If you avoid disagreements, this has the potential to affect your mental well-being the following day. Counsellor, Maryann W. Mathai from Ohio advises that a person who never disagrees with their partner might struggle with self-assurance, apathy and acknowledging emotions in a relationship.
A study done by ScienceDirect on the ‘Individual differences and Disagreement in Romantic Relationships’ found that arguments in a relationship will stem from one of these six categories;
- Not enough attention/affection
- Jealousy and disloyalty
- Responsibilities and duties
- Intimacy
- Dominant behaviour and authority
- Money and the future
If you and your boyfriend constantly have toxic fights instead of healthy ones, this might indicate that your relationship needs extra work from both parties.
Toxic arguments will include;
- A disagreement starts over something petty, but escalates to a different issue
- You or your boyfriend fight after assuming what the other one is thinking or did
- Either you or him distances yourself after an argument
- A fight involves verbal or emotional abuse
- Your boyfriend threatens to end the relationship
Once these type of harmful fights become consistent in your relationship, this will be abnormal behaviour. You might want to consider whether you and your boyfriend have grown apart, or lack understanding, respect or compassion for one another.
How to stop the cycle of fighting in a relationship
In order to break the fighting cycle in a relationship, you and your boyfriend need to first understand what the real issue is that causes you to argue with one another. Once you’re able to pinpoint if there’s an underlying issue, you’ll be able to work on the problem together.
Open communication is extremely important if you want to minimise the number of arguments you have with your significant other. If conflict in a relationship is handled correctly, it can lead to better understanding, mutual respect and improved unity.
If something bothers you, you need to be able to let your significant other know how you feel. One of the main reasons why issues go unresolved is when one partner is adopts the passive aggressive behaviour.
When someone is passive aggressive with their communication they won’t be direct with how they feel. Instead, they’ll make subtle comments or behave in an off manner that will depict they’re annoyed or agitated with you.
To help reduce arguments in your relationship, you and your boyfriend should not avoid disagreements. Studies have found that couples who steer clear of fights were less content, had worse communication and were less inclined to stay committed.
This does not mean you should find something to fight about, but rather, be productive with the conflict. Your relationship can become stronger, and progress with improvements.
Should we break up if we argue all the time?
You might need to consider whether it’s healthy for you to stay in your relationship if you and your boyfriend are unable to resolve issues, and communicate in a constructive demeanour. Frequent arguments without positive progress could be a Red flag that you might not be compatible with your partner.
It’s perfectly normal to have different views on things in life. However, if in a relationship you’re unable to compromise, or try and understand where your partner’s views come from, common ground could be impossible.
In this case, it might be healthier for you and your boyfriend to go your separate ways. If you’ve noticed your fights have not decreased, or, they’ve become worse this might signify your relationship has reached its end.
Both individuals in a partnership will need to want to work on the relationship in order to avoid a break up. Arguments are normal. It’s how you feel that will determine whether or not your relationship can improve.
Hazardous signs will be if you always feel unheard, ignored or begin to resent your boyfriend. If he neglects your needs or purposefully disregards your emotions with no resolution, it might be time for you to break up.
FAQ
Why does my boyfriend stonewall me when we fight?
If your boyfriend stonewalls you during an argument, he’ll withdraw his communication from you. He will shut himself off from having a constructive conversation. When your boyfriend reacts like this during a fight, it could be his defense mechanism to protect himself.
To not engage, or to ignore someone can make a person feel as though they’re in control of the situation. If your boyfriend did not learn how to deal with conflict growing up, stonewalling could be the only way he knows how act when it comes to an uncomfortable interaction.
Why do I keep fighting with my boyfriend for no reason?
If you or your boyfriend are frequently picking a fight for no apparent reason, this could signify that there is a deeper issue in the relationship that has yet to be addressed. This could be a trust issue, lack of attention, or jealousy. This will cause little things to irritate or bother you when they wouldn’t normally.
Conclusion
If you and your boyfriend keep fighting, it’s imperative that you first understand arguments are not necessarily a detriment to a relationship. In fact, fights can help improve a relationship if the conflict is dealt with in an appropriate manner.
When you and your boyfriend continuously fight, this could be a warning sign that there’s a fundamental issue in your relationship that you need to address. Remember, arguments handled correctly can aid in a relationship to progress with better communication, compassion and harmony.
(Quiz Question; on average, how many times will a person fall in love before marriage?) Submit your answer in the comments box below.