If your girlfriend doesn’t want you to have friends, she could be trying to control you. Does your partner suffer from insecurity?
When a woman is insecure, she will constantly require physical attention from you to help her feel secure in the relationship.
It’s extremely important to have friends while in a relationship. It allows you to evolve as an individual, and expand on subjective and objective views from different people.
In this easy to read the article, we will delve into why your girlfriend doesn’t want you to have friends, and what you can do in this type of situation. We will also advise on what steps you can take to help your girlfriend reconnect with your friends if she does not like them.
Why does my GF not want me to have friends?
Your girlfriend won’t want you to spend time with your friends if she is co-dependent with you. A person who is co-dependent with their partner will experience an identity issue when their boyfriend/girlfriend is living their own life. If your partner has codependent tendencies, she will feel ‘worthless’ when you do not need to be around her.
We do not imply that the relationship with your girlfriend is that of a codependent one. We are merely informing you that this can be a possible cause for your girlfriend to prevent you from hanging out with your friends.
This form of relationship is complex. For more information on this type of partnership, we have this guide where we delve into this matter in more depth.
There are multiple other reasons why your girlfriend doesn’t want you to have friends. These include;
1. She’s needy
More time spent with your friends is less time you spend with her. If she’s needy and constantly wants your attention, she will try and keep you from going out. Neediness is a form for acceptance. This type of behaviour can be brought on if she has a fear of abandonment, which could be because of past trauma from her childhood.
2. She doesn’t trust you or your friends
Does she voice her opinion of your friends to you? Your girlfriend could feel that the friends you want to hang out with are a bad influence, and will sway you to do things you shouldn’t. She might feel as though her relationship is under threat when you surround yourself with certain individuals.
This comes down to trust. If she does not trust you when you’re away from her, she will try and persuade you to stay away from your friends.
3. She’s insecure
An insecure girl will crave physical attention to make them feel confident in themselves, and validate how you feel about them.
If your girlfriend is not self-assured, she won’t want you to hang out with your friends. She will constantly need your presence.
4. She doesn’t like them
Your girlfriend may not like your friends but doesn’t want to tell you. If she’s heard negative rumours about them, she may be trying to stall you from spending time with them.
5. She’s jealous
Do you have female friends? Your girlfriend could be jealous of the fact that you want to hang out with other women.
She could worry about the other girls if she thinks they may have an interest in you (or vice versa). She won’t want you to stay friends with them.
What do I do if my girlfriend doesn’t want me to have friends?
You should still make time for your friends. It’s extremely important to ensure you still have your own life and spend time apart from your girlfriend. If you’re independent, you will ensure you focus on your own goals, and grow as an individual. A lack of autonomy will hurt a relationship.
Autonomy in a relationship is when you can make your own decisions, and have the freedom to be self-expressive.
To prevent any misunderstandings in your relationship, you need to convey to your girlfriend that you need to have your friends and that it is healthy to have space away from each other.
This conversation should be done in a calm environment where you can both explain how you feel about the circumstance.
Without being accusatory, you will need to reiterate to your girlfriend how important it is for you to have your friends.
Does your girlfriend spend time with her friends? A relationship needs to be fair. She cannot expect you to not have any friends while she’s going out on her own.
A healthy partnership will thrive when two individuals who grow independently, come together and form a bond. Once you give up on your aspirations and interests, it will have a negative impact on your relationship, and you may even start to resent your partner.
Is it OK to have friends while in a relationship?
It’s not only okay to have friends while in a relationship, but it’s also a necessity. Friends allow you to pursue interests with like-minded people that your girlfriend may not care for. If you have your own friends circle, it allows you to grow and evolve as an individual.
Another positive reason why it’s so important to have your friends is that you’re able to hear different peoples’ perspectives and opinions.
When you limit your social exposure, you prevent yourself from having other individuals to bounce ideas off of and expand your way of thinking.
(Did you know; Friendships help you live longer. Studies show that an active social life can improve a person’s mortality by 22 percent).
Not only does spending time with friends help improve your mood, but you will also have other people to lean on, and express yourself with when things may go astray in your relationship.
Ultimately, having your friends can help bring you and your partner closer together. After a day spent with your close circle, the majority of the time, you’ll come back to your girlfriend with high energy.
What do you do when your girlfriend doesn’t like your friends?
If your girlfriend doesn’t like your friends, you need to first understand what her reasons are behind why she has negative feelings toward them. It’s important to try and see her perspective, and to show her that you are considerate of the way she feels.
Once you speak to your girlfriend about this topic, you will be able to decide whether she has a valid reason to not like your friends, or if she’s just being unreasonable.
There’s a good chance you’ll be able to fix the way your girlfriend feels about your friends. If she doesn’t like them for a trivial reason (perhaps someone made a rude comment), you can instigate another interaction where they will be able to understand each other better.
Be sure to not defend your friends straight away. When you speak to your girlfriend, have an open mind and listen to what she tells you. it could just be that she misunderstood your friends, or she felt uncomfortable in a previous encounter.
Make it clear to your girlfriend that it’s not her versus them. She is equally as important. If your girlfriend feels like your friends are a threat to her relationship with you, she’ll attach negative connotations to them.
Your girlfriend may just need to get to know your friends a bit better. First impressions can sometimes be incorrect.’
Is it toxic if my girlfriend doesn’t want me to have friends?
When your girlfriend attempts to stop you from having friends, this is a Red flag that she might be toxic. This type of behaviour is overwise knowns as ‘pocketing’ and will occur when your partner keeps you from being involved in other relationships.
Does your girlfriend avoid conversations that involve making plans with friends and/or family? Is she only enthusiastic for things that are just for you and her? This toxic behaviour can be a detriment to your own well-being and for the relationship.
Once you become detached from your friends, and revolve your life around your significant other, your self-esteem will drop, and you’ll start to lose your independence.
It’s vital that you still have your own autonomy within your relationship, otherwise, your own personal growth can become stagnant. If you feel like your girlfriend is trying to control you, and keep you from seeing your own friends, she could be insecure.
Have a chat with her. If she becomes defensive, and does not understand where you’re coming from, this is a further warning sign. It might be time for you to reflect on your relationship, and initialising time apart.
How do you tell your girlfriend you don’t want to hang out?
If you don’t want to hang out with your girlfriend, the best thing you can do is be honest with her, and let her know you either want to chill alone, or meet up with friends. Refrain from making an excuse as this could potentially create additional conflict if she finds out that you weren’t honest.
What to do if your girlfriends friends don’t like you
Your girlfriend’s friend may not like you for various reasons. If this is the case, don’t take it too personally. In a study done by EliteDaily, women are more likely to speak to their friends about their dating life. Keep your distance, and don’t try to supplicate to try and get your partners friends to like you.
If you happen to be around her mates, make an effort to chat to them, and try not to exude an unapproachable energy.
It’s extremely important to have a social circle outside of your relationship. If your girlfriend doesn’t want you to have friends, more often than not, this is due to an issue your girlfriend has rather than who your friends are.
Speak to your girlfriend about how you feel. This type of circumstance can create a rift in a relationship, and you may start to feel resentful toward her. If she spends time with her friends, your partnership needs to be fair.
There may be an underlying issue as to why your girlfriend doesn’t want you to hang out with your friends. Try to understand where she’s coming from. Work together to help make her feel more at ease when you spend time without her.
(Quiz Question; by what percentage does an active social life increase a person’s mortality by?) Send us your answer in the comments box below.