If your girlfriend wants to check your phone, this is a telltale sign that she feels insecure, either within herself or in your relationship.
Have you been unfaithful in the past? If you haven’t, but your girlfriend has been a victim of infidelity before, she may still have past trauma that is causing her to experience trust issues.
It’s not healthy for your partner to go though your phone, and can be a way for her to try and control you.
A relationship should have equal power between each person. Once your girlfriend checks your phone, the dynamic of the relationship will change.
With this informative guide, we will go into the reasons behind why your girlfriend wants to check your phone, as well as inform you on how you can go about addressing this issue.
What does it mean when your girlfriend checks your phone?
If your girlfriend wants to check your phone, this is a clear indicator that she does not trust you in the relationship. She does not believe what you’ve told her, whether it’s where you’ve been, or who you said you were meeting up with. Distrust in a partnership can stem from many different factors.
These factors include;
1. You’ve lied to her in the past
If you’ve lied to her in the past and she found out about it, this can cause your girlfriend to feel insecure in the relationship.
She may be doubtful of your actions. If this hasn’t been addressed, it will continue to be an issue for her.
2. She’s insecure
Do you have a history of infidelity that your girlfriend is aware of, or did your relationship start secretive?
If so, she will probably feel uncertain about your actions and have an underlying fear that you’re going to do the same to her.
4. Your girlfriend wants to control you
If your girlfriend wants to check your phone all the time, she could be trying to control you. Does she want to monitor what you’re doing all the time?
Control in a relationship is not healthy. It will prevent you from living your own life, you can end up being isolated from your friends and family.
Besides your girlfriend wanting to check your phone, there are additional signs that may point toward your girlfriend having controlling behaviour. These are;
- She doesn’t like it when you won’t have time on your own
- You don’t have a social life
- She instigates fights and acts like the victim
- She makes you feel guilty to get her way
If these signs resonate with you, this could be a red flag for your relationship, and you may want to bring this up with your girlfriend in a calm conversation.
Are you aware that your significant other may have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)? If your girlfriend wants to check your phone frequently it does not mean she has BDP, but it could be a factor in why she feels like she needs to.
To better understand why BPD could be a cause for your girlfriend to want to go through your phone, we will delve further into what this is, and how it can affect a person’s thoughts and actions.
What does borderline personality disorder look like in a relationship?
If your girlfriend has BPD, she will have an immense fear of being abandoned, which is why she may feel the need to check your phone. Borderline Personality Disorder is a mental health condition that will affect the way an individual thinks, specifically in a relationship.
Your girlfriend will have difficulty dealing with her emotions, as well as how she interprets certain situations. She may have an intense feeling of betrayal, which is why there can be trust issues in the relationship.
This disorder can cause a person to look for signs of rejection. If you don’t react to how she’s feeling the way that she wants you to, your girlfriend could take that as a sign that you don’t care.
Related Posts:
Because BPD can cause a person to feel paranoid, your girlfriend may need to check your phone frequently. This will be a way to reassure herself of any doubt she may have of you in the relationship.
Does your girlfriend have periods of idolizing you, and then feeling like you don’t care about her? This is another sign that she may have BPD.
This is just an overview of how BPD can affect a relationship and is only a potential cause for why your girlfriend may want to check your phone. We are in no way insinuating that your girlfriend has BPD, we are just bringing your attention to a potential reason why your girlfriend may want to check your phone.
For more information, you can check out this guide.
Is it OK for your girlfriend to check your phone?
It’s not acceptable for your girlfriend to check your phone. This is a breach in trust within the relationship, and has the potential to create further issues. Once she goes through your phone, your girlfriend may start to rely on this act, and use it as a method to reassure her insecurities every time she is doubtful.
Did you girlfriend first ask you if she can check your phone? Whether she did or didn’t, it infringes on your privacy, and own boundaries.
Other important reasons why it’s not okay for your girlfriend to check your phone include;
1. Lack of communication
Instead of your girlfriend coming to talk to you about her doubts, or concerns regarding your actions, or how you make her feel, she will automatically go to check your phone.
(Did you know, 1 – 4% of the population is known to have BPD).
2. Increases secrecy in the relationship
Secrecy in a relationship can be a catalyst for conflict within a relationship.
If your partner feels like you’re being secretive, it will increase the feelings of insecurity and doubt. If your partner picks up a change in your behaviour, they may start to feel like you are hiding something.
It’s important to not have any secrets in your relationship, and to ensure you’re open and honest.
3. Changes the power dynamic of your relationship
Once your girlfriend checks your phone, it changes the dynamic of your relationship. Instead of both of you having equal power within your partnership, it will change it to a parent/child connection.
A good, stable relationship will be an interdependency. This means both individuals will have their own lives, with their own goals and aspirations without relying on their partner.
Once your girlfriend checks your phone, she will have more ‘authority’ in the relationship over you.
4. She can start to control you
If your girlfriend wants to check your phone, ultimately, she wants to control what you can do, and what you can’t do.
This will give her some feeling of control, where she think she will be able to prevent you from doing anything wrong behind her back.
You may start to resent your girlfriend for this, especially if you feel like you cannot live your own life.
Should I break up with my girlfriend for going through my phone?
If your girlfriend has gone through your phone, you first need to have a conversation with her before you decide to break up with her. The fact that your girlfriend wants to check your phone, is a sure sign that there is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed.
If this is the first time your girlfriend has checked your phone, you should have a conversation with her about it, to distinguish why she felt the need to invade your privacy.
If you’ve changed your behavior for whatever reason, she may have picked up on this, and felt insecure about your feelings towards her.
So as not to come across as accusatory, you can start a conversation something along the lines of;
- ‘Why did you feel like you needed to go through my phone, are you concerned about something?’
- ‘I value our relationship. I don’t understand why you went through my phone’
- ‘Can you explain to me why you went through my phone, so I can understand what is bothering you?’
If your girlfriend has been cheated on in the past, chances are she may have trust issues, and need some sort of reassurance from you.
Ensure you talk to your girlfriend in a relaxed environment so the interaction can stay calm.
Conclusion
Now that we’ve delved further into why your girlfriend wants to check your phone, we hope you have more of an understanding of where your girlfriend may be coming from, and why she’s been feeling like she needs to go through your phone.
Although you may recognize why she feels insecure, it’s still not okay for your girlfriend to breach your privacy, and should be addressed.
If this is a continuous occurrence even after the matter has been discussed, you should maybe consider taking some time to reflect on your relationship as a whole.
(Quiz Question; what percentage of the population has BPD?).
If you’d like to submit your answer, complete the comments box below. Include any feedback you may have for us.