Have you had previous encounters with girls where your interaction or conversation was unsuccessful? A guy will only feel as good as his last approach. If this did not go well, your ego will be bruised, and you probably won’t know how to feel comfortable speaking to women.
Once you’re able to disconnect the result of your approach with how you perceive yourself, you’ll be able to comfortably speak to girls. If you’re talking to a woman and she’s not interested, this should not affect your ego, and self-perception.
Confidence is the first main step in achieving a successful interaction. You may already be confident, but perhaps you’re just a little bit dubious about how to initiate the first conversation with a girl.
We’ve got you covered. With this informative article, we’ll guide you through how to feel comfortable when you’re speaking to women, as well as provide you with our five main openers you can use when you want to approach a woman to help you feel prepared. This will help ensure a positive interaction, so you can transition into a conversation while you exude confidence.
How to feel comfortable speaking to women
You need to be confident in yourself to feel comfortable when you’re speaking to women. In other words, you need to think you’re great, but don’t mistake this for arrogance! If you currently feel insecure when you’re talking to a girl, you first need to recognize why this is. Are you shy, unsure of how to spark a conversation, or keep an interaction going?
It’s normal to overthink when you want to interact with a woman. Especially if you’re attracted to her, you want the feeling to be reciprocated, right?
We assume if we say the wrong thing, we’re doomed to bounce back from it. This is unnecessary pressure that we put on ourselves. It makes a conversation with a woman seem more daunting than what it is.
Before a man will first talk to a lady, he will think about the risk and reward that comes with the coming up to a lady. The conversation ending well is the reward. If, however, they perceive the risk to be too high, chances are, he’ll avoid the approach altogether.
What is the risk when speaking to a woman? It’s the possibility that your ego might get hurt. She might reject you, and your self perception will be damaged. This fear is generally what stops a guy from making the first move.
The first step in how to feel comfortable when you’re speaking to women involves having confidence in yourself. This is your self-assurance. You’re aware of your qualities and abilities without second-guessing your self-worth.
Confidence is not only important for yourself, but it will also help you be better with women, and give off that ‘effortless’ attitude that girls seem to be attracted to.
There are certain characteristics that come into play that will assist you to feel comfortable speaking to women, while displaying the right amount of confidence.
How to be confident with women
If you want to be confident around women, preparation is key. Be prepared to do ninety percent of the talking, specifically if you’re planning to interact with a woman for the first time. We’re not saying you have to control the whole conversation, but you may be approaching a girl when she’s not ready.
What we mean by this is, she could be in her own headspace, and not present enough to know you’re about to come up and start chatting to her. If she’s quiet at first, don’t let this discourage you.
Guys often assume a woman is not interested in them if they don’t show signs straight away. However, give it a few minutes. This will allow her to regain her concentration, and focus on what you’re saying.
Other factors that will help you exude confidence with women while being comfortable include;
1. Know that you’re good enough
When someone feels like they aren’t good enough, they will tend to over-compensate in ways they think will get women to like them.
Have you ever been out and about and instantly noticed if a person is trying too hard? People who suffer with social anxiety will try to be liked by everyone. To reduce this worry, they’ll force traits such as humour and confidence to please others.
This type of behaviour can cause you to overthink the situation and result in you freezing or stuttering your words.
‘You can’t love someone without loving yourself’ As cliche as this is, it’s very true when it comes to being comfortable around women.
High self-esteem will allow you to be your true, authentic self without worrying about what she may think about you, because you won’t worry about what the outcome will be.
2. Get uncomfortable
Putting yourself in uncomfortable situations is a great way to build competence and confidence. With frequent practice, you’ll soon start to realise that a woman who does not want to speak to you is not connected to your self-esteem.
Approaching a girl that you find attractive and introducing yourself can be very daunting, but over time you will end up becoming more comfortable with the process. Every time you go out, make it your mission to go and speak to a woman.
Before you realise, it will soon be second nature to approach women in public no matter what the environment is.
3. Don’t over invest
A lot of the time, if a guy over invests with a particular girl, it ends up creating pressure that a relationship needs to work out.
Refrain from putting all your time and effort into speaking to one woman. This will alleviate any expectations, and allow you to relax when you’re talking to her.
Keeping your focus on all areas of your life, and not neglecting projects and passions will keep you grounded and therefore become more attractive to women.
4. Make eye contact
Holding eye contact can be hard, however, it’s a great way to show the girl you’re speaking to that you’re interested in her and what she has to say.
Nervously looking away can create an awkward vibe and stop you from feeling comfortable when you talk to her.
Holding her gaze build trusts as it shows the woman you are speaking to that you have nothing to hide. To help you relax, think of it as a game. Keep eye contact for as long as possible. If she looks away, you’ve won!
5. Choose your setting
Placing yourself in an environment that you’re familiar with is a great way to feel comfortable. It will also help you feel confident because you’ll already know your surroundings.
It’s particularly beneficial to be in a setting where you know people. For example, a bar that you regularly go to. If people are greeting and chatting to you, your self-esteem will automatically rise from the validation, and give you that extra boost of confidence.
The girl you’re with will also see you with importance because your social status will be higher than hers in your chosen place.
(Did you know; Studies have shown that the best places for meeting someone you’re interested in are coffee shops, malls and colleges. This is because people are more open to meeting other individuals in these settings. The worst locations is the cinema and restaurants).
6. Don’t give all your power away
If you give all your power away to a woman, you’ll start to lose confidence. To keep your power, and stay self assured, don’t show so much interest that the girl knows straight away that you’re interested. Keep suspense in the conversation.
A simple eyebrow raise is a small yet effective way to show her that the chemistry is not platonic, and will change the dynamic of your interaction.
Now that you know how to feel comfortable speaking to women, sometimes, it’s the uncertainty of how to open a conversation with a girl that makes us shy away from approaching a girl.
How to start a conversation with a girl
Sparking a conversation with a woman is not as complicated as it may seem. Knowing how you’re going to initiate an interaction will help you feel comfortable as well as stop you from over analyzing the situation. Finding the right opener can help ignite the conversation, and transition into a further interaction.
When you first approach a woman, you need to ensure you deliver the first sixty seconds of your interaction with high energy. This will help you gain her attention, and allow you to relax a little once you’ve sparked her interest.
If you want to have a high energy, you’ll need to positive, enthusiastic and confident. It’s very similar to an extroverted personality.
Did you know women will decide within the first minute of meeting a guy whether or not they’re attracted to them?
Let’s take a look at the five best opening’s you can use to start speaking to a girl;
1. Ask for her opinion or advice
Asking a woman for her opinion or advice on something is an indirect way to start a conversation. It won’t blatantly show that you’re interested, so you can feel comfortable knowing that it’s just a polite and friendly way to interact with someone new.
- ‘Do you think that drunken words are indeed sober thoughts?’
- ‘Would you say Iron Man is the best looking Marvel character?’
It’s important to ask her opinion on something related to the situation. You should not ask what her thoughts are on a serious topic, for example; politics.
You want to keep it fun and playful.
This conversation starter is dependent on the environment that you’re in. If you’re in a bar with a group of friends, commenting on a girl’s conversation is a playful way to initiate a conversation.
- ‘Sorry, I just overheard you saying…… I think……’
This will show her that you’re intrigued, and assertive enough to interrupt a conversation. If you want to use this conversation starter, you need to be confident enough, so as not to come across as shy or self-conscious.
3. Situation conversation starter
Just as the heading states, use your current setting to start speaking to a girl. It should be fun and out of the ordinary. you don’t want to make a boring comment that she won’t be able to respond to.
You’re in a bar and someone gets onto the table and starts dancing. You start a conversation by saying ‘I’m going up next, I hope you’re going to support me’
This is something playful and can get her laughing. You can transition this opener into introducing yourself and get chatting.
4. Mutual connection
You can use this conversation starter if the girl you want to speak to has a mutual connection to you. This could be the same coffee shop you both go to consistently, or perhaps you work in the same building.
There’s already familiarity between you two, so you can go in with a simple introduction.
- Hey, I see you come here quite often, I’m ……
- We keep sharing the same elevator, I think it’s about time I introduce myself. I’m…
These ways to start a conversation are pretty simple, but because you already have a mutual connection, it’s tied in with your situation.
5. Use sarcasm/humour
Using humour that could be interpreted as sarcasm is a great way to spark interest in a girl. If you can get her to question what you’ve just said playfully, you will instigate intrigue.
- ‘You look way too sophisticated to be here. Just kidding, I’m…….’
This example includes a compliment, but then you’re disconnecting it by saying ‘Just Kidding’. It can come across as sarcastic, and she’ll want to know why you made that comment.
These five ways are useful to initiate a conversation with a girl, however, you need to be able to keep a conversation going while staying comfortable.
How to keep a conversation going with a girl
Staying relaxed is important when you’re in conversation with a girl. This will prevent you from freezing on the spot because you’re overthinking what to say next, or you’re trying to pre-empt how she’s going to respond so you can know how to reply.
Women will generally follow how you lead a conversation, so if you keep it fun and lighthearted, you shouldn’t have to be too concerned about your interaction coming to a sudden halt.
However, if this is a concern for you, and you don’t feel comfortable without having some sort of idea on how to keep a conversation going, we’ll outline what the key component is in keeping a conversation going;
Build on the attraction! It’s quite simple right?
While you’re speaking to a girl, you want there to be constant attraction between the both of you. This will keep her intrigued in what you have to say, and want to get to know more about you.
So, how can you build up the attraction while you’re in conversation? There are two main factors you need to consider when you want to increase the attraction during a conversation.
1. Be unpredictable
If a girl can guess what you’re going to say next, and how you’re going to react, she’s may start to lose interest quickly, and become bored.
Unpredictability in a conversation with a girl can keep the interaction flowing in a natural way, and not feel as though you’re in a ‘stiff’ conversation.
You can be unpredictable in many different ways, from unexpectedly doing something playful, to saying something completely out of the blue.
2. Don’t be boring
If nothing interesting is happening, she’s going to become bored and lose interest. As long as you can initiate a conversation that contains more depth than the standard ‘interview’ questions, you shouldn’t have any issue with being boring.
You want to stay away from the usual small talk (what do you do for a living) and steer in the direction of keeping the conversation light and playful.
Purposefully misunderstand what she says – If she says something that you can misinterpret in a different way, this can create humour between the two of you, and keep the conversation lighthearted.
Tease her – Playfully teasing a woman is a great way to build rapport in a relaxed manner. This also shows her that you can be fun. You don’t want to be too serious when you’re speaking to women.
With these two main points in mind, and now knowing how to feel comfortable speaking to women, you shouldn’t have to worry about not being able to keep a conversation going with a girl.
Why do I feel shy to talk to a girl?
Feeling shy when you talk to a girl (or guy) will come from thinking you’re inferior to them. If you feel like the girl has s higher value than yourself, you’ll hesitate to approach her. Why? You’ve made her intimidating in your mind, and you’re scared of rejection of course! Would you feel shy speaking to a woman who you didn’t find attractive? Probably not.
Do girls like shy guys?
Being shy does not always need to be seen as a detriment to your success in the dating world. If you’re shy, you’ll naturally have more of a mysterious personality. Mystery is an attractive trait for women. They want to be able to figure you out.
We hope you now feel more at ease knowing that being comfortable when speaking to women is not a complicated process. You can exude confidence while interacting with women by just being yourself.
We hope we’ve helped you understand what the main factors are when it comes to talking to girls, and that you’ll try one of the five key openers the next time you want to approach a woman.
Remember, if you want to feel comfortable, it’s important to never let a woman know you like them straight away. You’ll start to fear rejection, and end up feeling insecure. As long as you keep your power, and stop thinking you’re inferior, you’ll have successful interactions.
(Quiz Question; Which locations should you not attempt to interact with a person?).
If you have any questions, or you want to provide us with feedback, leave us a comment in the box below, along with your quiz answer.