During the initial stages of dating, we can sometimes act under false pretences if we’re insecure about our personality, or, we might feel as though we need to impress our new beau. This can sometimes come across as inauthentic and cause you to question why does your girlfriend act different around her friends.
If she’s uncomfortable in your company, your girlfriend might find it difficult to relax which is why she may have a different demeanour around her mates. Not only this, if they’re critical about who she’s dating, and she concerns herself with their opinions, she might withhold displaying affection so as not to feel inferior.
In this post, we’ll expand on the reasons behind why your girlfriend would act different around her friends. We’ll also expand on what you should do in this situation, and if you can easily spot a masquerade.
Why does my girlfriend act different around her friends?
Your girlfriend may act different around her friends if she feels anxious when she’s in your company. This could be because she’s worried you won’t like her true, authentic self, or, she feels the need to put on a facade to impress you.
The primary cause for your girlfriend to convert her behaviour when she’s around you is if she’s insecure in herself. She may believe she’s not good enough, and assume she needs to keep up false pretences to protect her relationship.
In a more serious case, your girlfriend may have an inferiority complex about herself. This will cause her to have an extremely low self-esteem. She will have a constant belief that she’s inadequate when she compares herself to friends, family and even strangers.
If you’re with your girlfriend when she’s amongst her friends, you may notice she withdraws herself from the crowd. This type of complex is sub-conscious, so she might not realise her demeanour changes when she’s around other people.
Other reasons why your girlfriend will act different around her friends, specifically if you’re with her include;
1. Her friends don’t like you
If her friends’ have a negative view on you or the relationship, this can cause your girlfriend to feel uncomfortable when she’s around you and them concurrently.
She may be on edge that someone will say something that will create tension, or instigate a rift.
2. She doesn’t like public display of affection
PDA (public display of affection) is not for everyone. If your girlfriend is one to shy away from showing fondness amongst other individuals, she might keep her distance from you, especially if you’re someone that likes to be affectionate.
3. She’s not ready to make her relationship public
If you’ve only just started dating, there’s a possibility that she may not be ready to make her relationship known to her friends just yet. She may be aloof with you, and act like you’re simply just a mate.
What should I do if my girlfriend acts different around her friends?
Initiate a conversation with your girlfriend if you’ve started to notice she’s acting different around her friends. In a non accusatory tone, let her know that you’ve observed how her behaviour changes, and how it makes you feel.
This will initialise your partner to provide you with an explanation, and ultimately, get rid of any self doubt you may have.
(Did you know; men will know roughly around the third date if they’re falling for a woman, whereas a girl will only start to feel the same by the fourteenth date).
It’s important to remember, specifically if you’re in a long-term relationship, that you and your girlfriend can evolve or devolve depending on who you spend the most of your time with. If she surrounds herself with friends who uplift and promote her to be herself, she may exude more confidence or self-awareness, and vice versa. To accommodate this, you can support her and implement positive reinforcement so she can become the very best version of herself.
However, if you begin to notice a negative change in your girlfriend’s demeanour when she’s with her friends, you might want to bring this up with her. Let her know your concerns, and that you think she may need to distance herself from the crowd she hangs out with.
Why would my girlfriend be different with me?
Your girlfriend will be different with you compared to her friends because a romantic relationship will involve dependency, devotion, commitment and expectation. These are four characteristics you won’t necessarily find in a platonic friendship.
Although a romantic relationship’s foundation is very similar to a friendship, there are a few distinguishing differences that will cause a couple to act differently when they’re together as opposed to when they’re around mates.
1. True intimacy
As per Barbara Wilson, there are five levels of affinity. In a romantic relationship, both individuals will reach the highest level of intimacy at the same time. A couple will go through the stages together, until they know each others needs, emotions and desires.
At this point, you’ll make yourself vulnerable to your partner. They’ll have the ability to use your weaknesses against you, but you’ll trust them that they won’t do anything detrimental to your well-being.
Unlike a friendship, your girlfriend will rely on you for emotional safety. In a relationship, you should experience a healthy level of dependency due to the deep connection you would have developed over time.
An example of this is;
- You have a really bad day at work. You’ll depend on your girlfriend to console you when you get home or speak to them.
Devotion is a characteristic that distinguishes a romantic relationship from a friendship. Your girlfriend will feel a high level of love, passion and loyalty towards you. She will be committed and supportive.
A successful devoted long-term relationship will consist of continuous positive experiences for sustenance. Dr. Monica Applewhite advises devotion between two individuals will involve commitment, intimacy, unity, interaction and attention.
In friendship, you won’t have any expectations for how your mate should behave. You accept them for who they are without wanting to change their characteristics.
In a relationship, however, there is some level of presumptions on how your partner should act towards you. You expect your feelings to be reciprocated, and that your other half will treat you with respect, kindness and consideration.
Is it easy to notice your girlfriend acting different?
It can be difficult to pick up on a genuine change of demeanour. We created a poll on one of our forums to find out from the public if they’re able to notice when their girlfriend starts to act different around her friends.
Here’s what they said;
- 50% said yes
- 50% said they haven’t noticed a change
One comment that was left stated;
- ‘I mean it depends on the girl, and how judgmental here friends are.’ – 69Bruh69, age 17
If your girlfriend is not her authentic self when she’s around you, it may be easier to spot a switch in how she conducts herself when she’s amongst other individuals. However, if you’re going to notice your girlfriend acting differently when she’s around her friends, you will need to pay attention, otherwise, many signs may go amiss.
Why does she ignore me when her friends are around?
She may not feel comfortable admitting to her friends that she’s interested in you, which is why she’ll ignore you so as not let on how she feels. If her friends are extremely judgemental, they could have already told her what they think of you, and if she cares about what their opinions are, it may cause her to abstain from engaging with you.
How long does it take for someone to show their true self in a relationship?
As per psychologists, a person will reveal their genuine characteristics within six months of a relationship, but can even start to display signs by three months if you really pay attention to how they act.
If you were wondering why does my girlfriend act different around her friends, we hope this article has helped you understand what circumstances will influence her behaviour when she’s with you, or amongst her mates.
When your relationship is fairly new, your girlfriend might still feel insecure that you’ll lose attraction for her if she shows you her true, authentic self, or, she might think she needs to impress you by putting on a facade.
Your girlfriend could have opinionated friends who make her feel uncomfortable. And, if she concerns herself with what they think, she might alter how she acts around them to gain approval. Whatever the reason may be, if you feel like your partner is not being genuine with you, you should have a chat with her about it.
(Quiz Question; do men or women fall in love quicker?). Along with any feedback you may have for us, let us know your answer in the comments box below.