When we dream our partner has committed infidelity, sheer panic may take over. Our first instinct will be to take immediate action and question them about it. However, if your boyfriend cheated on you in your dream, this has nothing to do with your boyfriend, and more to do with your subconscious.
Our dreams come from underlying emotions that we have not yet dealt with. Along with this, the only active part of your brain when you dream is the amygdala. This controls your fear and emotions, which is why your dreams can be extremely irrational and out of context.
In this article, we’ll help you understand what it can mean if your boyfriend cheated on you in your dream, and what you should do about it. We’ll also delve a little into whether or not you should tell him.
The science behind dreams
Your brain is made up of three different components. The ego, which is your prefontal cortex placed behind your forehead. The desires, situated right in the centre, called the ‘libido’. And lastly, our conscience that is right behind the eyes, and known as the orbital frontal cortex.
When we dream, it comes from the rear of the brain. This is the primal part, and shuts down along with the ego (prefontal cortex) and the conscience (orbital frontal cortex). The orbital frontal cortex is also the part of the brain that completed your ‘fact checking’. If you think something is not right, this will stem from here.
The only active part of the brain when you dream is the Amygdala. This part is in control of feeling fear and other emotions. When we’re in a stressful situation, the amygdala will detect the threats we feel. This will be the reason why we experience the ‘flight or fight’ response.
When you dream, you’re not using your fact checker nor the rational brain. The only part in use will be the fearful and emotional brain. While the rest of your brain is shut off, you won’t be able to acknowledge that your dream is not real.
This is why, when you have a dream that your boyfriend has cheated on you, it will come from an irrational place of fear and emotion, and should not be taken literally.
What does it mean if my boyfriend cheated on me in my dream?
Before you start to panic and think your boyfriend is actually cheating you, he’s not! If you’re having bad dreams, this will be connected to you having a subconscious or conscious fear that your boyfriend is going to commit infidelity in your relationship. This could be a sign that you have feelings which you have not yet dealt with. Or, there is an issue in your relationship that you need to address.
It’s important to understand that dreams are not a literal reflection of what’s going on in a persons life. They are metaphors for a situation that is currently present. If you feel insecure or betrayed in your relationship, this could be why you’re dreaming your boyfriend is cheating on you.
(Did you know; when we dream, we are completely paralyzed).
It could also mean the following;
1. You’re afraid you’re going to cheat (projection)
Is there someone in your life that is causing you to question your relationship? If you’re attracted to another guy, you might be feeling guilty about it, which is coming through in your dreams.
This could also be a symbol for how upset your boyfriend might be if you were to leave him, and you know this in your sub-conscious.
Projection is when a person takes the feelings and emotions they don’t want, and put them onto someone else. This is very common when it comes to cheating because a person wont want to acknowledge their actions and guilt.
This is a form of self defense to protect you from having to deal with the aspects you don’t like about yourself.
2. You’re still hurt from a previous relationship
If you were cheated on by a former boyfriend, and you have not dealt with it, this will reappear in your current relationship.
You may still feel betrayed which is causing you to have trust issues and insecurities that your partner is going to do the same thing to you. The anxiety you feel in everyday life will come through in your dreams.
If you still feel betrayed, it’s important that you receive closure. Otherwise, these type of dreams will occur more frequently than what you’d like.
3. You feel threatened
Is there a woman with whom your boyfriend perhaps works with, or a close friend that you see as a threat to your relationship?
If this is how you feel about another female in your boyfriends life, it’s ultimately an insecurity of yours. Maybe he’s not spending enough time with you, or you feel like he prioritises his friends over you. Whatever it is, you’re going to feel like it’s coming in between you and your boyfriend.
When you dream your boyfriend has cheated on you, this is a sign that there are other feelings at play in your relationship that you may have suppressed, or busy dealing with.
What should I do if I dreamt my boyfriend cheated on me?
If you’ve just had a dream that your boyfriend cheated on you, the worst thing you can do is to accuse, or question him about it. Your dream is not a direct representation of what is going on in your life. Women tend to be more emotionally expressive then men, and are more prone to be display their feelings outwardly.
Of course, there’s nothing with this, however, jumping to the conclusion that your boyfriend is cheating on you because you’ve dreamt it, is not necessary and can instigate further conflict.
It’s important to remember that dreams are a symbol for feelings that you’re perhaps not dealing, or struggling with in your waking life. If you’re not sure what this might be, it could be a good idea for you to take some space away from your boyfriend to really focus on how you’ve been feeling lately. This will be time for you to look inward, rather than outward, onto your beau.
- Have I felt betrayed?
- Do I feel insecure in my relationship?
- Are there any current issues I’m going through with my boyfriend?
Not only with your boyfriend, but family and friend relationships too. If there is any area in your life where you perhaps have built-up emotions, it could be reflecting in your dreams, and appearing as your boyfriend cheating on you.
Once you’ve spent some time reflecting, you might want to make an effort to have a conversation with your boyfriend. Speak about anything that you may have ignored. This will help you to deal with repressed emotions and any conflict you may have not yet dealt with.
Should I tell my BF I dreamed of him cheating?
You can tell your boyfriend you had a dream of him cheating if you do so without coming across as accusatory. Do not tell him about your dream if you feel angry. This will only make him feel like he needs to defend himself against an incorrect allegation. Men are delicate when they feel you do not trust them.
If this dream has sparked your anxiety and concern, rather refrain from telling your boyfriend until you’re in a better mindset.
To help with this, you can practice breathing exercises. Breathwork is a great self-care exercise that will improve your mental state, and get rid of any emotional stress that you’re feeling. This will allow you to disconnect from your thoughts and be present in the moment.
Once you feel more comfortable, and you’ve taken the time to understand why you’ve dreamt your boyfriend has cheated on you, whether it’s because you’re insecure, jealous or not yet dealt with underlying issues in your relationship, you tell your boyfriend about it in a lighthearted conversation.
Keep it as playful banter so as to not make him feel as though you’re trying to imply something.
At what stage of sleep do you dream?
Dreaming will occur during the fourth stage of sleeping, which is your most deep sleep. This is known as the REM (rapid eye movement) stage. This can last for ten minutes right up to sixty. During REM, your body will become temporarily paralysed, known as atonia, which is to prevent you from acting out in you dream, and potentially hurting yourself.
What is lucid dreaming?
Lucid dreaming is when you’re conscious in a dream. It’s forcefully being able to keep your orbital frontal cortex (the conscience) active when you’re asleep. This will allow a person to become aware that you’re in a dream, and make decisions.
If your boyfriend cheated on you in your dream, it’s important to remember that a dream is not a direct reflection of what’s going on in your waking life. Any repressed emotions and/or feelings that you may have will appear in a dream.
Keep in mind, that when you dream all aspects of your brain shuts down, except for the amygdala which is responsible for feeling fear. With this in mind, your conscience won’t be active, and therefore fact-checking in your dream will be non-existent.
To dream your boyfriend is cheating on you could be a sign that there may be an underlying issue in your relationship that you need to address. You may also have feelings of betrayal, mistrust or jealousy that you have not dealt with.
Take some time to think about your relationship, and if anything has happened that has made you doubt how your boyfriend may feel about you. Remember, communication is key!
(Quiz Question; How do we not harm ourselves when we dream?). Send us your answer in the comments section below.