When you first met your boyfriend, was he social with friends and made time for his interests and hobbies? Now, however, do you find that he plans his schedule around yours, and is always available when you want or need him?
If you’re wondering why does your boyfriend do everything for you, the reasons can range from an identity issue to what his love language might be. You will, however, be able to determine what motivates him through his actions.
In this article we’ll help you decipher why does your boyfriend do everything for you, and what it could mean for your relationship.
Why does my boyfriend do everything for me?
If your boyfriend cannot prioritise his own needs because he fears you won’t agree, it may be a sign that he is unable to be autonomous in a relationship. Autonomy in a relationship is when a person can live their own life as an individual. You can focus on your own goals and not be driven to only do things that will please your partner.
A guy who does everything for his girlfriend will find it difficult to make decisions without his partner’s opinion. If this is your boyfriend, he won’t be able to live his life without your input on what he should and shouldn’t do.
If you’ve found your boyfriend does everything for you, he may struggle to keep his own identity when he’s in a relationship
(Did you know; the five love languages were created by Gary Chapman. He wrote a book called; ‘The Five Love Languages’ in 1992).
A positive reason why your boyfriend may do everything for you is if he generally just cares about you. It’s not always a negative connotation that’s attached to why someone would act this way towards their beau. We’ll get into this further in the article.
There are certain signs that can help you determine if your boyfriend has lost his autonomy.
Signs my boyfriend has lost his autonomy
When you first met your boyfriend, did he actively make plans with his friends, and take time for the things that he enjoys? Now, does he make arrangements around your schedule, and prioritizes all of his available time for you? This is a sure sign that your boyfriend may have lost his autonomy in your relationship.
Couples need to have time alone. It’s healthy for the relationship and your personal growth. If your boyfriend has started to align his schedule with yours, this could be a warning that he’s letting go of his own identity to make sure he can be with you most of the time.
Other signs include;
1. He’s stopped pursuing his interests
Being single allows us to focus on our interests and hobbies, and actively pursue what we enjoy the most. If your boyfriend no longer makes time to do the things that he enjoys because he wants to spend all his time with you, this may indicate that he’s lost his identity.
2. He lives according to your schedule
Does your boyfriend always make sure he’s available when you’re free, or only make plans when you’re busy?
A sure sign that your boyfriend is no longer autonomous is if he’s unable to make his own decisions regardless of what you’re doing. He will want to always be there for you whether you need him or not.
3. He no longer has any boundaries
If an individual struggles with autonomy, they won’t be able to keep their boundaries in place because they will fear it will go against their partner and create conflict.
Your boyfriend won’t be able to say ‘no’ to you. He will always try and do what you want without considering his feelings. Ultimately, he’ll lose himself in the process of pleasing you.
When your boyfriend does everything for you this could indicate that your partner is enmeshed in the relationship.
What is an enmeshed relationship?
An enmeshed relationship is when personal boundaries between a couple are unclear. Your boyfriend will continuously put your needs above his own. So much so, that he will begin to lose interest in his hobbies. Does your boyfriend always ask for your approval, and act according to your feedback?
If you disagree with his view on something, does he alter his choice so it matches your own? Is he dependent on you? This could indicate that you’re in an enmeshed relationship with your boyfriend.
When your boyfriend is in an ‘enmeshed state’ you will be responsible for his wellbeing, and he will rely solely on you to make him happy.
Why is an enmeshed relationship unhealthy?
An enmeshed relationship is unhealthy because you will end up being responsible for your boyfriend’s happiness. This will often lead to disappointment for him, and an excessive amount of pressure on you.
In an enmeshed relationship, there will be high levels of anxiety when your partner is away from you. When this feeling gets invoked, it may cause him to continuously text or call you as a way to receive reassurance.
Let’s not forget, that there is a healthy amount of longing in a relationship. This could be when your better half goes away for a couple of weeks. Of course, you’re going to miss them! There is, however, a big difference between missing someone and getting anxious when they’re away.
Another unhealthy sign that could show that you’re in an enmeshed relationship is if you find yourself forgetting that your boyfriend is an individual, and may not like the same things that you do. This would occur because previously, he would always agree to do what you wanted to do.
Because of this, you will assume that he will like whatever decision you make, whether it’s where you want to go for dinner, or what places you want to visit.
If you think you may be in an enmeshed relationship with your boyfriend, there are steps you can take to help break the cycle.
Is it okay if my boyfriend does everything for me?
It is okay if your boyfriend does everything for you, as long as it’s coming from a genuine place of care, and you don’t feel suffocated in the relationship. This could be his way to display how much you mean to him. However, it won’t be okay if he does everything for you because it’s his way to control you in your relationship.
There are five different love languages that a person will adopt according to their personality, and what feels the most natural. These are;
- Gift giving
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
Because your boyfriend wants to do everything for you, he should lean towards acts of service and quality time as his love language.
Did you know, that Hinge conducted a study to find out what love language is the most sought after? For men and women, the most popular was quality time. Second place was won by words of affirmation.
If you appreciate your boyfriend doing everything for you, and it’s what you like, there’s no problem with this! If, of course, it starts to make you feel as though you no longer have your independence, it would be a good idea to have a chat with him to let him know how you feel so he can ease off, and give you some more space.
Why would your boyfriend want to control you?
If he has constant fear that he could lose you, he may be insecure when you’re left to your own devices. This could be because he has low self-esteem. An example of this would be if he stops you from going to the gym because he’s worried you’re going to meet someone while you’re training.
Controlling behaviour in a relationship can become very unhealthy, and may indicate that your boyfriend has trust issues. When you don’t address this, it has the potential to cause the relationship to become toxic.
To help, it’s important to set your boundaries and ensure you stick to them. If your boyfriend retaliates, don’t back down, and be firm. He will either need to accept that you are your own person or, you may need to re-evaluate your relationship.
FAQ
Why does he keep buying me things?
If your boyfriend keeps buying you things, it could be his way to show you that he cares about you. Another reason may be that he’s insecure, and thinks giving you gifts will stop you from leaving him.
What is a man’s responsibility in a relationship?
A man’s responsibility in a relationship should be no different to that of a woman. For couples to experience a long-lasting, healthy partnership, there needs to be constant effort to always work on the relationship. Honesty, open communication, trust, support and mutual respect are the basic foundation for a successful relationship.
Conclusion
There are many different reasons why your boyfriend may want to do everything for you. From having difficulty being autonomous, to wanting to be the provider in a relationship. Unless you have a conversation with him about it, you won’t be able to truly understand what motivates your boyfriend to act in this way.
We all have different expectations in a relationship. If you feel secure in your relationship because your boyfriend does everything for you, then great! If, however, it makes you feel uneasy, it’s important to speak to him about it, put boundaries in place.
(Quiz Question; who created the five love languages back in 1992?). Let us know your answer through the Leave a Reply box below. Feel free to include any feedback or queries you may have.