When you first start to date someone, it can feel quite surreal. The romance is high, the chemistry is intense and you feel as though you want to spend every waking moment with them. Because of this, we could quite easily fall into exclusivity with this person. There is, however, a general rule of thumb when it comes to dating on how long you should wait. So, when should you ask her to be your girlfriend?
Of course, every couple will have entirely different circumstances that will come into play when deciding it’s the right time to become official. If you’ve been former friends for a while, you’ll already have a solid foundation to transition into an exclusive relationship. Whereas, if you’ve only just met, you’ll probably need a couple of months before you initialise the next step.
In this post, we’ll provide you with everything you need to know that will help you determine when you should ask her to be your girlfriend. We’ll also delve into whether you should be asking the girlfriend question, or if there is in fact a better way for you to make your relationship official.
What to consider before asking her to be your girlfriend
The first and most important thing to consider is timing. You don’t want to ask too soon, but you also don’t want to wait too long, otherwise, she might think you’re not interested, or that you’re just stringing her along. An estimated time frame to broach the subject of becoming exclusive is two months.
Of course, this will depend on how long you’ve already known each other for, the amount of time you’ve spent together and if you’ve both been seeing other people. The best way to gauge whether the time is right, is to pay attention to how your relationship has already progressed.
If things have been going well and you’ve been spending more time together, it’s likely that she’s feeling the same way about you. In this case, asking her to be your girlfriend might just be a natural next step.
On the other hand, if things have been moving quite slow, or if you’re not sure whether she’s ready to commit, it might be best to wait a little longer. If both of you have been openly dating other people, it’s estimated that you’ll need around six months before you become exclusive. This is to ensure she, and yourself end your other relationships, and that you’re 100% sure that’s what you want to do!
Ipsos conducted a poll. From the results, 39% of people agreed that after three months of dating is an acceptable time speak about becoming exclusive.
Before you consider asking her to be your girlfriend, you can first gauge how she feels about you. This will help you determine if she feels the same as you do. Take note of the following;
1.Her interactions with you compared to others
If she seems to go out of her way to talk to you, or if she touches you when she speaks, those could be good signs that she likes you.
2. Her body language mirrors yours
If you notice that when you lean in when you talk to her and she copies you, or if you cross your arms and legs and she does the same, it could mean that she’s interested in what you have to say, and wants to get closer to you physically.
Did you know, the majority of communication is non verbal. Albert Mehrabian was a researcher on body language. He found that in a face to face conversation, 55% of communication was non-verbal, 38% was verbal and 7% was words.
Have you noticed when you speak to her, her tone of voice changes? A woman’s voice will become more high-pitched when they talk to someone they’re attracted to, whereas a male’s voice will become deeper.
When a woman likes you, there are a few common body language traits that she may display. These include;
- She looks away when you make eye contact
- Directly faces you in conversation
- Glances at you for a short time but does so often
- She fiddles with things when you’re around her
3. She flirts with you
Do she tease or instigates playful banter with you? These are usually good signs that she enjoys your company, and is attracted to you.
Another indicator is if she asks you out or hints that she’d like to go on a date. If this is the case, it’s pretty likely that she wants to see if there could be a potential relationship between the two of you.
Additionally, if she shows several of these signs, then it’s probably safe to say that she’s interested in you and would make a great girlfriend. But at the end of the day, the only way to really know for sure is to ask her!
How to ask a girl to be your girlfriend
The best way to ask a girl to be your girlfriend is through actions and not words. Yes, stay away from the question; ‘do you want to be my girlfriend’. If you feel you’re ready to become exclusive with the girl you’re seeing, all you need to do is start acting like you’re in a relationship with her. Assume that you already know she likes you, and wants to commit to you.
The reason for this is, when you ask a girl to become your girlfriend, you will lose your power in the relationship. Why? Well you’ll put yourself in a position where you want more in the relationship than what she might, and causes you to become the ‘needy’ partner.
Secondly, once you ask her to be your girlfriend, her value for you might decrease. This is because she won’t feel as though she needs to make any effort to be with you. If you show her through your actions that you are the boyfriend she wants, and assume that title, you’ll keep your value.
This is the same for the ‘what are we’ question in a relationship. If you’re the one who broaches the subject of the status of your relationship, you’re more than likely the one that won’t walk away, and will have less of the ‘negotiating’ power because you may want it more than she does.
If you want the girl you’re seeing to be in your life long-term, and fill that role of being your girlfriend, fundamentally, it’s better to let it occur organically through your behaviour and actions as opposed to asking the question.
Of course, if you feel as though your relationship is really good, and you’re able to ask her to be your girlfriend without any second thoughts or doubts, there’s nothing wrong with asking her to become exclusive with you!
How do you ask a girl to be your girlfriend without being weird?
If you want to ask the lady you’re seeing to be your girlfriend instead of through your actions, it’s imperative that you don’t come across as too pushy or needy. The key is to find a balance between being assertive and respectful. You don’t want to come on too strong, but you also don’t want to be a doormat.
It’s important to communicate your feelings and desires to her, but to also listen to what she’s saying and take her needs into consideration.
If you’re feeling like you’re ready to take things to the next level, have a conversation with her about where things are going. Talk about your mutual interests and desires for the future, and see if she’s on the same page as you are. If she is, then it may be time to start thinking about taking things further.
However, if she isn’t ready or doesn’t seem to be on the same page as you, don’t push her. Respect her wishes and give her the time she needs.
(Did you know; the phrase ‘love is blind’ stems from studies that show the feeling of love causes a persons brain to suppress certain activities that control critical thought. When we’re close to someone, our brain assumes we don’t need to study their personality and traits).
If you’re patient and understanding, eventually she may come around to your way of thinking. But if she doesn’t, it’s important to accept that and move on. However, if you feel a bit uncertain whether the time is right to progress in your relationship, you can talk to your friends.
They may be able to give you some helpful advice or let you know if they think she’s ready for a committed relationship.
Friends can also be a great sounding board when it comes to relationships. If you’re not sure what to say or how she’ll react, run it by your friends first. That way, you can get some outside perspectives and be better prepared for whatever her reaction might be.
Okay, so you’ve had a pep talk with your mates, and you’re now ready to ask her to be your girlfriend. This can seem like a daunting task, but it doesn’t have to be. Just remember to be confident, honest, and respectful.
Here’s how you can go about it;
1. Start by telling her how you feel
Tell her what you’re thinking and feeling. Be honest about your desires and intentions. Let her know that you care about her and want to take your relationship further.
During this step, you’ll be able to gauge her reaction. Does she smile often and looking directly at you? If so, this is a positive sign that she’s going to want to be your girlfriend!
2. Ask her to be your girlfriend
After you’ve expressed your feelings, simply ask her if she wants to be your girlfriend. It’s as simple as that! Just remember to be confident when you ask. She’ll appreciate your straightforwardness and honesty.
How to ask a girl to be your girlfriend in your 20’s?
When you’re in your 20’s, there’s no need to overthink things or make a big production out of asking someone to be your girlfriend. Just be honest about your feelings and intentions, and ask her directly if she wants to be your girlfriend.
However, if you want to make things a little more special, you could try asking her in a romantic setting. Or, write a heartfelt letter expressing your love for her. Whatever you do, just make sure you’re being genuine and honest about your feelings. She’ll appreciate it!
How to ask a girl to be your girlfriend in your 30’s?
When you’re in your 30’s, the question of when to ask her to be your girlfriend can be more complicated. You may have been dating for a while, or you may have just met. If you’ve only been on a few dates, it’s probably too soon to ask her to be your girlfriend.
You want to make sure you really like her and she really likes you before you make that commitment.
If you’ve been dating for a while, it’s important to have a conversation about what you’re both looking for. Are you on the same page? If she’s not ready to be your girlfriend, it’s important to respect her wishes.
What to do after a girl declines to be your girlfriend
If you’ve asked the woman you’ve been dating to be your girlfriend, and she’s said no, try not to take it too personally. Of course, your ego is going to be hurt from the rejection. However, it’s important to remember that her response is more to do with her, than it is with you.
You may have asked her at the wrong time. If she’s dealing with issues in her personal life, she might not be in the right mindset to think about exclusivity.
She could be scared of commitment, and have relationship anxieties. This can stem from a previous relationship, or, she may have witnessed her parents have an unsettling relationship.
Whatever the reason may be, if she does not want to be your girlfriend, you’ll need to accept her decision. If she wants to carry on seeing you without the ‘girlfriend’ label, you’ll need to take some time to decide if that’s something you’d want.
FAQ
How many dates before you ask her to be your girlfriend?
This is a difficult question to answer since it varies from person to person and relationship to relationship. However, in general, roughly ten dates should be enough to be able to determine if you want her to be your girlfriend or not. Your time frame will then depend on how often you go on dates within a week.
When should someone ask you to be their girlfriend?
Someone should ask you to be their girlfriend only once you properly know each other. A few of the reasons why couples break up is due to differences in goals, lack of intimacy and poor communication. So, it’s important to really understand who you’re dating before you become exclusive.
When should you make a girl your girlfriend?
The best time to make someone your girlfriend is when you both feel ready and comfortable with the idea. This means that you have been dating for a while and have developed a strong connection. It’s also important to make sure that you are both on the same page in terms of your relationship goals.
Conclusion
So, when is the right time to ask your crush to be your girlfriend? Timing is everything in this situation. You want to make sure that you gauge how she feels about you and don’t come on too strong.
Don’t forget to talk to your friends for advice. They may have some insight into her feelings towards you. And finally, be prepared for rejection. It’s something that is inevitable at some point in our life, and happens to the best of us.
If things don’t work out, remember there are plenty of fish in the sea! If it goes well and she says yes, then congratulations! You’ve just taken a big step in your relationship.
(Quiz Question; why do we tend to ignore a persons characteristics when we feel close to them?) Let us know your thoughts in the reply box below.