If your girlfriend requires constant reassurance from you, she may be insecure in your relationship. She could also be unsettled if you’ve started to withhold your emotions from her, which is why your girlfriend will always ask if you’re mad at her.
Another factor that can come into play with this binary question, is if your partner is codependent. A codependent will need you for them to function properly, and to fuel their self-worth. They will always want to make sure you’re not mad at them to feel secure in the relationship.
In this article, we’ll expand on the reasons why your girlfriend always asks if you’re mad at her. We will also get into how you deal with your own emotions can be a catalyst for your partner to feel the need to constantly ask you how you’re feeling.
Why does my girlfriend always ask if I’m mad at her?
If you’re passive-aggressive with your girlfriend, she’s going to feel like something isn’t right with your attitude. When someone is ‘passive-aggressive’ they will be indirect in expressing any negative emotion they feel towards a certain person. Your behaviour won’t relate to what you say. This will confuse the person on the receiving end, and bode the question; ‘are you mad at me’.
You may need to think back to your recent interactions with your girlfriend. Has she upset you, and you’ve been somewhat stand-offish in your responses, without verbalising how you feel about something she said or did?
We’ve all been there. Sometimes we aren’t forthcoming with our emotions, and we don’t take into consideration how it comes across to the other person.
A survey that was done back in 2018, concluded that seventy percent of men preferred to take some time to process their thoughts before verbalising what they felt. In conflict, thirty percent advised they wouldn’t want to speak to the person in question until they’ve had time to think.
We could deem this as a catch 22. Ninety-five percent of women confirmed that they want to verbally express their emotions with their partner as soon as an event has occurred.
With this in mind, we can better understand why misunderstandings between couples can arise. A woman may see a lack of communication from her man in the heat of the moment, whereas a guy will want to bring up a previous conflict later down the line, which could be seen as wanting to start an unwarranted argument.
Other reasons why your girlfriend may always ask if you’re mad at her include;
1. She’s insecure
Whether you’re in a newfound relationship, or you’ve been dating for years, if she’s not confident in how you feel about her, she’s probably insecure that you’re either unhappy or going to break things off with her.
Men can be just as insecure as women. The only difference is, what makes men seem to be that much more confident, is that women want to gain everything in a relationship all at once.
Consider ‘everything’ as the mind, body, soul and heart of the person they’re dating. However, no one can obtain everything all at once, which is why girls can become uncertain in their relationships.
Whereas guys are a little bit more patient. They won’t fret when they don’t have every aspect of the relationship
Your girlfriend could be using this question to help her feel closer to you if she currently feels disconnected.
2. She has a guilty conscious
In a more unfortunate circumstance, your girlfriend may have a guilty conscience. This could be why she’s always asking you if you’re mad at her.
This is a way to receive constant reassurance even though she knows she’s said or done something that will make you feel negative emotions towards her.
3. Your girlfriend prioritizes her feelings over yours
If your girlfriend always asks if you’re mad at her, she could be putting priority on her feelings rather than your own.
If she was concerned about your current emotional state instead of her own, there are far better ways in which your girlfriend could ask you about how you’re feeling. These could be;
- ‘I feel like something may be bothering you. Is everything okay?’
- ‘Is there anything that’s on your mind that you’d like to speak to me about?’
We can’t reiterate enough how important communication is in a relationship. You and your girlfriend should refrain from keeping your emotions bottled up. This has the potential to create conflict between the two of you.
How do I know if I bottled up my emotions?
Do you avoid talking about your feelings because you don’t like confrontation? Would you rather have space away from your girlfriend? If you feel vulnerable, and prefer to not speak openly about your emotions with your lady, this could be why your girlfriend always asks if you’re mad, and can indicate that you bottle up how you feel about certain situations that have affected you.
In more serious cases, you could be dealing with emotional repression. This term is used when an individual will avoid certain emotions without being aware that they are doing it.
This is not to be mistaken for ‘suppressed’ emotions. Which is when we won’t deal with specific feelings on purpose because we don’t know how to.
What causes emotional repression?
Majority of the time, a person who represses their emotions will have gone through a traumatic event during their childhood.
From a very young age, we will learn our behaviours and communication from our parents or primary caregivers. If they did not express their feelings, or you got into trouble for being open with your emotions, you would have learnt that it would be safer to withhold this from those around you.
As an adult, you will unconsciously feel like you can’t let others know you feel negative emotions. Over a long period, this can hurt your overall health, mentally and physically.
For more information on the effects of emotional repression, you can check out this article which goes through all the consequences.
What should I do if my girlfriend always asks if I’m mad at her?
Before you can take the appropriate steps forward on how to deal with your girlfriend always asking if you’re mad at her, you need to fully understand why she constantly wants to know. A conversation between the two of you will need to happen. In a non-accusatory tone, ask her why she feels the need to question you.
If your girlfriend is simply asking because your demeanour has changed towards her without any explanation from yourself, you will need to explain what’s bothering you. Or, reassure her that you’re not mad at her. You may have other external stresses that you could speak to her about to help her feel more at ease.
If you speak to your girlfriend, and she tells you about something she’s done, you’ll need to make your own decision about how you’d like to move forward.
(Did you know; in psychological studies, it has been confirmed that women in relationships will want to speak to their partners for no apparent reason, other than to bond. Whereas, males believe that when they talk, it needs to be informative and useful).
The best thing you can do if you feel irritable toward your girlfriend is to have an open and honest chat with her. This can be difficult due to the toxic masculinity culture that has been at the forefront of how a guy should conduct himself.
How does toxic masculinity affect relationships?
Toxic masculinity is the belief that men should not display their emotions because they’re meant to portray themselves as the ‘dominant’ gender compared to women. It’s an unhealthy stereotype against males’ that they should only ever be strong, and confident and shows no feelings when they’re upset.
This mindset in a relationship can make communication between two partners extremely difficult. If you’re unable to speak to your girlfriend about what the problem is, it can create a disconnect between a couple.
Your partner may start to find it difficult to relate to you when she’s unable to understand what it is that’s bothering you.
Men need to be open about their emotions. Bottling up feelings can cause severe mental health concerns such as depression and anxiety.
If you feel overwhelmed, and need assistance dealing with your emotions, you can make use of the NHS self-help guide.
FAQ
What should I do when I’m mad at my girlfriend?
If you’re mad at your girlfriend, don’t try and get rid of your emotions. Your feelings are valid. However, before you have a talk with your girlfriend about what has upset you, you need to understand fully why you feel the way you do, so you can properly explain this to your partner.
Why does my girlfriend always ask if I love her?
If your girlfriend is insecure, she may always ask you if you love her. This type of constant reassurance can be unhealthy, and put added pressure on your relationship. In this case, your girlfriend may lack self-assurance, and need to take the necessary steps to work on herself and her confidence.
Conclusion
Many different factors come into play if your girlfriend always asks if you’re mad at her. What might seem like a simple question, can be a warning sign for your relationship.
Your girlfriend could just be looking for reassurance if your demeanour has changed towards her without any warning, or, she could be prioritizing her feelings over your own.
Before you become irritable or stand-offish to your girlfriend, you should first consider if you’ve been passive-aggressive with your emotions.
Communication is key and will help your girlfriend feel more secure in your relationship once she knows if anything is bothering you.
(Quiz Question; True or false, do women speak to their partners in a relationship purely to be informative?). Let us know your answer in the comments box below.