Whether your partner is miles away from you, or just around the corner, a healthy relationship requires communication, trust, understanding and patience to name just a few. When these traits start to go amiss, it could be time to let go of your long-distance relationship.
An LDR requires effort from both partners. You won’t have the luxury to be able to see each other whenever you want. Once there’s a lack of attachment, your girlfriend/boyfriend can become distant, and lose interest.
It’s important to be aware of the red flags in a long-distance relationship. Trust your gut in this type of circumstance. If you notice a change in the communication pattern, or frequent cancellations to catch up, it could be a sign that you may need to end it.
In this article, we’ll advise when you need to let go of a long-distance relationship, and what the red flags are that you should look out for. We’ll also expand on what you should avoid in this type of dynamic so you can have a happy, healthy relationship.
What are red flags in a long-distance relationship?
If you notice your partner starts to avoid video dates or phone calls, this could be a red flag that your long-distance relationship could be reaching its expiration date. An LDR (long-distance relationship) requires equal effort from both individuals to keep up the communication.
Because this type of relationship is built on actively speaking, once this starts to dissipate, you may start to feel more like pen pals.
When your communication pattern begins to change, and your partner doesn’t like to talk about what they’ve been up to, this may be a warning sign that they no longer feel the same.
Other red flags in a long-distance relationship include;
1. You’re not excited about phone calls
Speaking to your girlfriend/boyfriend who you’re unable to see at a drop of a hat should be exciting. It should feel like the highlight of your day (or week).
Once you start to feel like it’s more of a nuisance to take time out to chat with them, this can be a red flag that you no longer value the relationship.
2. You think about future plans without them
A long-distance relationship requires a lot of planning and trips so you can spend time with each other.
Couples in this type of dynamic generally always have plans made for when they’re next going to see each other. As this starts to become less frequent, it generally means your attachment for one another is decreasing.
Once you or your partner starts to speak about future aspirations without involving them, you may need to take some space to re-evaluate what it is you want.
3. You’re more at peace without them
An LDR is tough. You constantly miss them and wish you could be able to see them whenever you want. As soon as you start to feel happier when you’re alone, and prefer to cancel plans to meet up with your other half, you might want to consider being single.
4. There are more arguments
A clear red flag in your long-distance relationship is when you begin to have more arguments than conversations.
A lot of strain will naturally come when you date someone far away from you. Understanding and trust are just two of the key traits that can cause conflict in a relationship (LDR or not) when they are not met.
(Did you know; only roughly 60% of long-distance relationships are successful. Couples who can stay together for eight months in an LDR are more likely to last).
When to let go of a long-distance relationship
It may be time to let go of your long-distance relationship when you don’t speak to one another for days, and you’re okay with it. Of course, there’ll be times when either one of you is extremely busy and unable to sit on a Zoom video for hours on end, but if you don’t feel the angst when this happens, it could be the end of the road.
If you have any uncertainty about where your relationship is going, you might want to think about whether the long-distance is for you.
Other signs that will confirm it’s time to let go of your long-distance relationship are;
1. Your partner is dismissive
If your other half starts to dismiss any plans you want to make with them for you to see each other, this is a warning sign that they no longer consider your presence important.
Good news for you should be good news for them too. If they’re unresp0nsive when you tell them exciting information, they may not feel the same as you.
2. You’re emotionally drained
A long-distance relationship can be challenging due to a lack of physical intimacy and social interaction, however, you should not feel emotionally drained if the relationship is healthy.
If you start to feel like you’d rather pretend to be unavailable so you can keep your peace, you may need to let the LDR go.
3. You’ve lost yourself
If you stop focusing on your own goals and what you need to do in daily life because you’re stressed you’re going to miss a phone call from your partner, it could be time to put yourself first.
A relationship, whether LDR or not, should be two individuals who want to grow on their own, but support each other through the process. Once your partner starts to hinder your personal growth, the relationship can become toxic for your well-being.
Should long-distance couples talk every day?
A long-distance relationship does not require couples to speak every day. Just like any relationship, time apart is healthy. In an LDR, partners sometimes think they need to constantly keep their other half up to date with what they’re doing day in and day out. This is exhausting and can kill the spark between two individuals.
A day or two without talking will help keep things exciting and allow you to have more productive conversations when you do catch up.
Otherwise, chatting every day can soon start to feel like a chore. You may find yourself purposefully avoiding digital date nights.
What should you avoid in a long-distance relationship?
A long-distance relationship relies majorly on digital interaction. You should, however, avoid using online social media to keep tabs on your partner. This can quite easily become an unhealthy addiction, and put added pressure on the relationship. If you feel the need to monitor what he/she gets up to through their social media accounts, you might not be ready for an LDR.
It’s quite normal to be a bit insecure in a long-distance relationship. You should, however, be open and honest with your partner about how you feel.
Most importantly, avoid being dishonest. This will only create conflict in the long run. You should be able to tell your girlfriend/boyfriend what you’re getting up to without worrying they’re going to be upset with you.
Maybe you can’t have your Skype date because you’re hanging out with the boys. Whatever it is, be upfront.
FAQ
How do you not ruin a long-distance relationship?
An LDR requires trust, commitment and communication. With this comes effort. One of the main reasons why a long-distance relationship won’t last is due to a lack of effort. As long as both individuals put in the work, an LDR can be successful.
How often should you text in a long-distance relationship?
A couple should agree together on how frequently they want to text or catch up. You might want to FaceTime once a week and chat over text every so often.
Conclusion
There’s no denying it, a long-distance relationship can be strenuous. It requires extra time, effort and communication to have the chance of being a healthy, long-lasting partnership.
Before you consider getting into LDR, you need to think if you’ll be okay with a lack of physical and social interaction with your partner.
Social media is great to help you stay connected to your loved ones, however, it can be abused when you start to rely on it to keep tabs on what they’re getting up to. If you find yourself questioning what they’re doing, and feel like they’re distant from you, this could be a red flag for your relationship.
As long as you and your significant other are on the same page, and communicate openly, there’s no reason why long-distance won’t work.
(Quiz Question; what percentage of long-distance relationships are a success?). Send us your answer through the comments box below.