If you have not had a girlfriend in 10 years, you’re probably feeling like you’ll never meet anybody, and that something must be wrong with you.
First and foremost, this way of thinking won’t get you anywhere in the dating world. You won’t attract a girl if you feel somehow flawed or not not worthy.
In the ten years that you’ve been single, have you taken the time to work on yourself, and become more self-aware? Do you know what your favourite characteristics are about yourself?
One of the first things you’ll need to do if you want to be able to get a girlfriend is to understand yourself better and be confident in your qualities.
In this article, we’ll delve into why you have not had a girlfriend in ten years. We’ll also guide you on what you can do to help you be successful in dating, as well as give you some insight into what women find attractive.
Why you might have not had a girlfriend in 10 years
If you have not had a girlfriend in 10 years, you could be stuck in a victim mentality. If you’ve held this type of mindset over the last decade, you’ll always feel like you’re doomed to fail, which is why you’ve probably not put yourself out there in the dating world.
Do you believe you don’t possess the necessary traits to meet a girl that will find you attractive? This can be a sign of weakness, which is an unattractive trait for a woman in a guy.
You won’t progress with a victim mentality, if anything, this is one of the main causes that will hinder your love life.
Other reasons why you haven’t had a girlfriend in 10 years could be;
1. Lack of self-esteem and confidence
This goes hand in hand with the woe is me mentality. Lack of confidence will create a constant fear of rejection and stop you from approaching a woman.
Confident men attract women. If you don’t think you’re great, this will come through in the way that you present yourself, and how you come across in social situations.
2. You chase women
No amount of chasing will make a woman want to be with you. Do you pursue women without expecting any effort from them?
If you invest all your time and attention into a girl without her having to put in any work, she won’t see you as an individual with any value. She’ll know she won’t have to try to win you over.
Once the element of uncertainty disappears for women, they’ll lose interest. We’ll delve further into what a woman finds attractive later on in the article.
How will you ever meet someone if you limit yourself to the same social circle? When you go out with your friends, are you open to meet new people?
If you never diversify your friendship group, there won’t be any possibility for you to meet anyone.
4. You don’t assert yourself
Otherwise known as the ‘White knight’ syndrome, this is when a guy plays the nice guy when he meets a woman. Unfortunately, a lot of the time the nice guy will get friend zoned.
If you don’t assert yourself, and show a girl that you’re into them, they’ll assume you’re just a friendly person.
5. You’re too emotionally available
A woman will want someone who isn’t afraid to speak about his feelings, however, during the initial stages of dating, if you’re too much too soon with your emotions, it can push them away.
Women like mystery. They want to be able to solve whether or not you like them. If they’re unsure about how you feel, they’ll invest more of their time into you.
So, if you tell a girl after the first date how you feel you’re both meant to be, and get a bit pushy about it, she won’t see you as her next potential boyfriend.
What can I do to get a girlfriend?
If you have not had a girlfriend in 10 years, the first thing you need to do, before you even think about meeting somebody, is to spend some time solely on yourself. One of they key points to be attractive to women is to exude confidence. To feel confident, you’ll need to focus on what makes you great.
Work on yourself. When we say this, we mean you need to truly be self aware. This involves being conscious of your own character. What are your desires? What motivates you? and do your actions and thoughts align with who you are?
Once you have the confidence to approach a woman to initiate a conversation, and not be afraid of rejection, the rest should follow quite naturally;
1. Scrap the victim mentality
Although rejection is not a great feeling, once you allow it to not affect your ego and self- esteem, you won’t be as afraid to go out into the dating world.
You’re not doomed to fail, and women aren’t out to hurt you. Once you start to believe in yourself, it will begin to show through how you present yourself.
2. Don’t chase women
Refrain from feeling like you need to put in all your effort to show a girl that you have interest in them.
One of the key mistakes a guy will make when dating, is that he thinks he needs to invest everything he has in order to a attract a woman to want to be with him.
In fact, it’s human nature for us to want something that is not so easy to attain. We subconsciously believe there’s more value in it.
It’s important to allow the girl to put in effort and invest in you, she’ll start to see you with higher value.
Don’t stay in the same social circle. You won’t meet anybody new. A good way to expand is to join social groups that have the same hobbies or interests as you do.
This will also give you the opportunity to meet like minded people, and provide you with the foundation to interact with people without worrying about what to talk about.
4. Assert yourself
If you haven’t asserted yourself before, you probably feel like it may come across as disrespectful or shameful.
However, men who are assertive and show dominant will attract women. You don’t need to go overboard, but you do need to flirt, hold eye contact and do subtle touches.
5. Withhold your attention
Women will naturally be drawn to a guy who withholds his attention, as opposed to someone who gives her everything straight away.
Mystery and uncertainty is what drives interest for a woman. She wants to be able to figure out whether or not you like her.
As soon as she knows she has all of your attention, she’ll distance herself from you.
What are women attracted to?
Women are attracted to men who display confidence. Confidence and self assurance are somewhat similar. You’re aware of your own abilities and qualities, and you appreciate them. This will show when you engage with women. If you’re timid, you may not come across as attractive than someone who displays signs of confident.
It’s important to note that attraction is not a choice. A woman will not choose who she’s attracted to, it will come with how you present yourself and interact.
(Did you know; a third of online dating app users will get into a relationship. 33% won’t, and the remaining 33% will delete the app and give up).
Woman want certainty. They want to know that you’re the best choice for them. With this comes dominance. If you can lead her, and make her decisions for you, she’ll have interest in you.
You need to be certain of your value. For example, instead of asking her for her number, tell her to put her number in your phone.
A girl won’t have attraction for you if you’re arrogant. You can be confident without exaggerating your sense of self importance.
How do I get back into dating after being single for a long time?
If you want to get back into dating after being single for a long time, the best way to start would be to get onto the online dating apps. There’s a few you can choose from. It’s advised that you join a maximum of two sites, as this will allow you focus on your matches and give them the necessary amount of attention.
Two dating apps instead of one will also help increase your chances of finding good profiles. It is however, also important to not hide behind online communication. After not having a girlfriend for quite some time, you may feel rather nervous and intimidated to go out on dates.
To help with this, join social groups to help you interact with people that have the same interests as you do. You’ll feel more at ease to have conversations with them because you won’t need to worry about how to start conversation.
Before you get back into dating, understand what it is that you want, and what you’re looking for. Once you know what it is, you’ll feel like you have a sense of purpose.
FAQ
Is it OK to not have girlfriend?
Yes, it is okay to not have a girlfriend. It’s harmful not only for you, but for the person you’re dating to be in a relationship just for the sake of it. Once you focus on yourself, and not worry about having a girlfriend, you’ll find that you’ll meet someone unexpectedly.
What is the average age someone gets a girlfriend?
The average for a guy to get a girlfriend is around 28. For a woman, it’s 25. This is, however, based on a person meeting ‘the one’ or ‘soulmate’.
Conclusion
If you have not had a girlfriend in 10 years, this does not mean there is anything wrong with you. If anything, you may just be lacking a little confidence.
One of the main reasons why gents don’t put themselves out there to approach a woman, or go on a date is because they’re scared of rejection. We associate rejection with our self-esteem and ego.
We hold onto a perception of how we should come across and if this gets damaged, we lose belief in ourselves.
Once you’ve taken the time to become more self-aware, you’ll be able to get back into dating without holding onto any fear.
(Quiz Question; what percentage of online daters will get into a relationship?). Tell us what you think through the use of the comments box below.