How do you know if you’re being strung along?
If you ask this question, you probably already feel like the guy/girl you’re seeing does not want to commit to you. So why would someone string you along if they have no investment to be with you?
Most of the time, a person will lead someone on because it makes them feel better about themselves. The constant attention they receive, knowing that the person likes them will fuel their self-esteem.
Some signs will show you’re being strung along. For instance, inconsistent texts, lack of effort, and a feeling of constant uncertainty can point you in the direction that you’re being led on.
In this article, we’ll answer the question of how do you know if you’re being strung along, and provide you with insight on why someone would lead you on. We will also delve into how you can deal with this type of circumstance so you can walk away with ease.
How can you tell if someone is stringing you along?
A clear sign that you’re being strung along is if your partner is inconsistent with their texts. For a couple of days, they’ll message you as though you’re the only person they’re speaking to, followed by not receiving a single text from them for a day or two. Their messages will also be hot and cold. One day they’ll be flirtatious, and the next you’ll feel like you’re trying to get through a brick wall.
Other signs that will show your partner strings you along include;
1. They speak to you about plans with no action
Someone who’s stringing you along will talk to you about exotic plans, like going on holidays and doing exciting activities, but never actually go through with it.
This is a way for them to keep you attached to them, and give you the idea that they’re thinking about you long-term.
2. They’re flaky
Do you try and make plans with them, but they consistently cancel at the last minute, or tell you that they’re busy?
You’ll start to feel like you’re the only one putting in the effort to try and see them. If someone (or something) is important, a person will naturally invest their time and energy into it without hesitation.
3. They avoid ‘the talk’
Have you ever tried to have ‘the talk’ about where your relationship is going, and they try and avoid it?
They might say things like; ‘I’m enjoying this time getting to know you better without any pressure’ or ‘I thought we were going to take things slow to understand each other more.’
These types of responses will aim to make you feel like you’re being pushy, or rushing into a commitment. More common in guys, they may come out with the ‘I’m not ready for a relationship’ excuse.
4. He/she only shows effort when your interest is elsewhere
If they’re leading you, the person will increase his effort when they see you have an interest in somebody else.
More often than not, a guy or girl will string someone along because they fuel their ego, and want to feel desired by multiple people.
Once you display that your attention is moving elsewhere, they’ll make an effort to get your focus back on them, and then go back to their usual antics.
How to deal with being strung along?
In these types of situations, although difficult, the best way forward would be to walk away. The person who strings you along won’t want to have a conversation with you if you try and talk to them about how you feel. Make sure you’re confident enough to not let them try and change your mind.
(A situationship is a relationship that has no label and commitment).
When you exit a relationship, although they don’t want to commit to you, they’ll try and change your mind. He/she will tell you everything you want to hear, so they can keep you as an option in their life.
It’s important to take the time to come to terms with what just happened. Although unfortunate, look at it as a life lesson. Know that you’re worth a solid relationship with someone that appreciates you. Take note if they put in the same amount of effort as you.
Did you know; the most common time frame for couples to end their relationship is between three and five months.
Remember, a healthy partnership with someone will need to be value for value. As soon as you feel like they’re not into it as much as you are, re-evaluate and step away if you need to.
Why am I being strung along?
A person will string you along because you’ll fuel their ego, and make them feel better about themselves. He/she will probably have an underlying issue of feeling insecure about themselves. They won’t want to commit to you but will want the attention you give them. This will make them feel powerful, and give them a sense of control.
Another reason why someone will string you along is if you’re a rebound. You may be seeing someone who’s just got out of a relationship. If this is the case, he won’t want to commit for quite some time.
He’ll want to have the freedom to do what he wants, and see multiple different people without any pressure of a relationship.
In more serious cases, people will often be strung along if they’re dating someone who has narcissistic personality traits.
This is not to say you’re dating a narcissist, we are just advising you that a person who contains this type of personality will crave admiration from other people.
They will have a constant need to fuel their self-esteem through the attention of others. This type of personality will have difficulty forming an attachment with another person, hence the no commitment.
There will be a lack of empathy from this person, which is why they won’t feel bad when they string you along. They’ll see you as an object that they can use to make them feel better about themselves.
What does it feel like to be strung along?
You will second-guess yourself most of the time when you see someone who strings you along. There will be constant doubt in the back of your mind when you’re with them and when you’re not. If he/she strings you along, it will feel a lot like mind games. Do they like you? Do they not like you?
Most of the time, your intuition will warn you that something is not right. As humans, we tend to ignore our gut feeling when we want something to happen, even though we know it’s not right.
If you feel like this is your current situation, chances are, you’re not just feeling like this for no apparent reason. Take note of how consistent your partner is with their texts, and plans to meet up.
Do they entertain attention from other people around you? If you feel like he/she flirts with other individuals around you, it may be time for you to walk away.
FAQ
Is he taking it slow or stringing me along?
A person who wants to take it slow will be considerate of your feelings. They won’t avoid uncomfortable conversations with you and have the ability to speak to you about why they want to take things slow.
How do you tell if a guy is leading you on?
If a guy leads you on, he won’t want to introduce you to his friends and family. He will be inconsistent with his effort toward you, and he won’t make long-term plans with you.
What is pocketing in dating?
If someone ‘pockets’ you when you date them, they will hide you from their social media, and their friends and family. This can stem from embarrassment as they won’t want anyone to know who they’re dating.
Conclusion
So, how do you know if you’re being strung along?
If your partner strings you along, you should notice that you’ll have a constant feeling of uncertainty, and question your relationship.
People will lead someone on for their gain, and won’t consider your feelings. They crave constant validation and attention from others to make them feel better about themselves.
In this type of circumstance, it will be better for you to walk away from the relationship. No conversation will change their mind. If there was no intention from them to commit to you, chances are, this will not change.
Understand that you’re worth more than a flaky relationship with someone and that good guys/girls are abundant out there that will prioritise you, and not make you feel like the last option.
(Quiz time; when is the most common time for couple to break up?). Send us your answer in the comments box below.